Choices
by MadameMayI
Summary: Bella had to make a choice. Her unborn baby or her soul mate... "You don't want a baby, do you Edward." ""Of course I do, some day. But we can't have a baby right now." And the new part of my heart that was growing with love for my baby broke off from the part of my heart that belonged to Edward. My heart was broken.
1. Chapter 1

Pike Place Market really was worth the extra effort it took to get there. So much more fun than the grocery store. Who care's if it's twice as expensive. People come from all over the world to buy this overpriced fruit! I shifted my backpack and redirected us to my favorite produce stand.

"Cheerwies, Mommy?" my little companion asked.

"Ok, but just a few," I replied. His hot little hand wiggled in anticipation, fighting to pull me forward. The popular stand had a line. While I waited, I watched his beautiful eager face, completely engrossed in the jewel toned fruit, ignoring the happy chaos of the Market around him. The lingering but still pleasant smell of fresh fish, the jostle of meandering tourists, the damp floor tiles, the Technicolor floral displays, none of them could tear his focus from the cherries. Smiling at my boy's sweetness , I placed our order.

I felt eyes on me as I pulled out a huge fresh cherry for Owen. I knew someone was watching us. Thinking it was probably just a friendly grandma, I straightened up and smiled, ready to go through the obligatory "Cute Kid & Mom" routine. But my smile faltered. It wasn't a grandma. Oh crap. I heard my heart beat in my ears. Oh crap. A black tunnel formed around my vision. Oh crap. I gripped Owen's hand fiercely and pulled him reflexively to me. Oh crap. Edward was standing no less than five feet from us. A very pretty blonde lady was holding his elbow protectively. She was giving us some serious evil eye. He looked pale. He looked shocked. He started to look angry. I saw his mouth start to move. I knew he was going to say something horrible. He was going to be furious. I shoved our cherries in my bag and quickly grabbed up Owen. I turned, I left, and I didn't look back.

"Cheerwies, Mom! I want cheerwies please!"

"As soon as we're on the bus, sweetie!" I said, "You can eat all of them on the bus, but you have to be quiet and a good listener please."

"We going fast, mommy!" he said as I slipped through the crowd.

"Uh-huh..." I just needed to get to the pig statue. I shifted Owen to one side and felt for my bus pass. Still in my pocket. There were buses practically every 30 seconds once you got to the street. We just need a bus to come. Quick. Please quick. I could never deal with him angry. I hated disappointing him. Don't let him catch up to us. Please. I dashed through a hole in the crowd and walked quickly up to the street. Owen laughed gleefully as he bounced on my hip. At least someone was having fun. I felt cold and sweaty and sick. A bus was coming towards us, just behind a few slowing cars. I watched it, willed it to roll quickly, to take me away from this place, this embarrassment, this encounter. I never thought I'd see him again. I thought all ties had been cut. I'd thought things out so carefully. I'd planned out our good-enough life without him. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.

"Isabella Swan!"

I screamed in my head. He was still far enough away. We could make it. 

"Mommy, that man say 'hi'."

"I know sweetie. But we're getting on the bus." The bus released its brakes with a squeal and began to slowly roll towards us.

"Bella! Bella please!" People in the bus queue began to turn their heads, staring at the soon-to-be-spectacle. I heard him now, just behind us. I didn't want to see him. I couldn't face him. So I closed my eyes and turned around. Blindly I told him, "I have nothing to say to you, Edward. Please just let us go."

I could hear the bus stopping behind me, and feel the warm summer air being displaced, smell the fumes. I turned quickly, pulling my pass out, and fled. Again. He didn't follow this time either.

I heard him call my name again, muffled through the window.

I gave Owen the cherries. I tried not to cry.

After Owen was in bed, once I was done being "Mom", I finally let myself realize what happened. I'd seen Edward. He'd seen Owen. Why was he even here? He was supposed to be in Boston, or Chicago, or some other big far-away city curing cancer and doing his Big Things. He hated the Northwest. That's what he'd always told me. He wasn't staying. Was he just visiting Seattle? That would make sense. Lots of visitors go to Pike Place. Visiting his family? They'd moved from their old house, but maybe they were still in the area. I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms and groaned. I hated remembering.

I met Edward when I was in my junior year at UW. We'd only been dating for a few months, but I was head over heels. Totally and completely in love. Then I missed my period. I didn't think much of it. I wasn't very regular. But when seven weeks passed, I knew something was wrong. Two little lines on a pregnancy test. It wasn't "right", but I was happy. It was the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong way, but with the right person. Sometimes surprises are the best gifts. I worried about what Edward would think of this surprise. He wasn't a surprise kind of guy.

Edward.

Edward was a genius. Literally. He could multiply any number in his head in less than 30 seconds. I was embarrassed to use my calculator in front of him. He was smart and very sensible. A middle aged man stuck in a super hot body. He didn't seem to get along with people. At least that's what Alice told me. Alice was his crazy little sister. She was smart too, but not Edward-Smart. At sixteen Edward started college. When we met, the fall of my junior year, he already had his masters. He was teaching a few classes and pursuing his doctorate. He was working in a lab doing genetic research. Yes, WORKING AT A LAB DOING GENETIC RESEARCH. I was working in the school library and using my calculator to figure out the tip for my dinner check. I never really understood what he saw in me. Sure, I was pretty in an average way. Nothing was really wrong with me, but there wasn't really anything that stood out about me either. Even in my graduating class of 50 people, I still didn't get a title like, "Most Likely To Succeed!" or "Best Hair!" Things I know about me:

1. I'm sarcastic.

2. I love old books.

3. I'd rather cook at home than go out.

4. I was an English Major, but am terrible with grammar.

5. I will never successfully serve a volleyball.

6. I've never dyed my hair.

7. I like to make lists.

Things I Know About Edward

1. Edward is rich. Like trust fund baby rich. Like make-me-want-to-vomit-a-little-he's-so-rich rich. Like what-is-he-doing-with-me,-I-don't-even-know-where-to-BUY-a-Prada-bag,-how-can-we-possibly-be-together rich.

2. Edward is very good looking.

3. Edward is a genius.

4. I loved Edward (That's kind of about me, but it's my list, so I can add what I want.)

5. Edward intimidates a lot of people. Maybe even me.

6. Edward does not like to be in public places.

7. Once Edward makes a decision, he doesn't change his mind.

I was so nervous to tell him about the baby. He knew something was wrong because I'd sort of been avoiding him. I was going to make him a big fancy dinner & then tell him the news, but I was afraid I'd throw up in the middle of cooking. One night he finally came over and wouldn't leave until I told him what was wrong. I finally took a deep breath and told him.

"I'm pregnant."

And then he didn't say anything for a long time. He kind of sat back on the couch and thought about it for a minute.

"Are you sure?"

I showed him the calendar. I showed him the tests (not the actual tests, gross. I showed him the 7 empty boxes, all of which had told me the same thing that I already knew.) He closed his eyes and sighed. Then he gave me a big hug and said, "It's going to be ok, Bella. We'll figure it out. Carlilse has connections, we'll get you the best doctor." Carlilse was his dad, and of course a super important doctor himself. Of course. But I was relieved to hear him say that about a doctor. That was a good sign. "Really?" I asked, tearing up a little. "Does he know a lot of OBGYNs? Does he know any midwifes?" I asked.

"What?" Edward asked, confused.

"Does he know any midwives. I've been thinking about doing it natural."

"Natural? Love, I don't think there's a 'natural' way to do this…"

"For delivery? Natural delivery? Wait…. Oh."

And then heard my heartbeat rush in my ears for a minute and realized that my life, and my baby's life, would be a lot different than I imagined.

"You don't want a baby, do you Edward."

"Of course I do, some day. But we can't have a baby right now." He was so sure. Already. With less than 5 minutes to think about it, he already knew. We wouldn't have a baby. We were too young. That was that.

"Oh."

We both sat there silently for a minute. I leaned forward with my head in my hands, and he rubbed gentle, familiar circles on my back. So sweet. And the new part of my heart that was growing with love for my baby broke off from the part of my heart that belonged to Edward. My heart was broken.

After he left, I sat for hours on my lumpy student apartment couch staring at my blank student apartment wall. I knew some new things.

1. Edward didn't want this baby.

2. I did.

3. I couldn't keep Edward and my baby.

I knew it was bad. It was really bad. But I was still in shock. I went to bed and slept. The next morning he called me to tell me that he'd spoken with Carlilse. That they'd chosen a doctor and he wanted to know when I was available for my "procedure". A "procedure" sounds like a boob job, not the termination of a pregnancy. I felt sick. I gave him a date. We were almost into finals, so he agreed it'd be best to wait till we were done. I had a deadline. I needed a plan.

At first I tried to talk him into it, "We don't have to get married. You keep studying and working at the lab and do all the things you were already doing."

"But what about you?" he countered.

"I'll….I'll just get a job and take care of the baby."

"No, Isabella. I'm not going to let you ruin your life because of my mistake. This isn't your fault. I can't let you do this."

I was a little insulted that he was taking all the blame. It's not like he did this totally on his own. He's the genius, he knows it takes two people. Sure, I'd told him when we started dating that I wanted to wait to have sex. But I was so in love with him. And when he told me he'd wanted to spend the rest our lives together, we sort of skipped ahead.

"What if it's not a mistake?" I asked. "What if it's an accident? A happy accident."

"No, Bella."

"But Edward…" "

No, Bella."

I tried really hard not to cry. I looked at the ceiling and willed the tears to dry. I bit my lip. I counted backwards from 100.

"Bella, love, please don't cry."

(It didn't work.)

"Edward, I can't do this. I don't want to end the pregnancy."

"No, Bella. Please. Please, let's just take a break. I can't talk about this anymore."

And so we did. We watched a movie. Or we had dinner. Or we just sat next to each other in silence holding hands. Edward was always sweet about stuff like that. Holding hands and sitting quietly.

It was bad.

I knew I was keeping the baby. At the time, I was studying English. Once I graduated, I'd be qualified for many minimum wage jobs, or a career as a writer/journalist (also known as unemployed). I decided to get realistic. I would be supporting this baby on my own. I needed a career pretty quick. Hopefully one that paid well and had good hours so that I could spend time with my kid. I called my mom, Renee, and broke the news. She took it pretty well. My mom was a massive, flighty burst of chaos, but she was also practical. She could also always see the bright side. Her silver lining was that I was coming to live with her in Florida AND she was getting a baby to cuddle, but that she didn't have to take care of. A grandbaby. I found a Dental Hygenist school and arranged for the entrance exam, gave my roommates notice and started the paperwork to end my scholarship at U.W.

The good news was that I almost enjoyed my finals week for the first time in my life. Of course it was horrible and emotionally exhausting, but at least I didn't have to worry about studying. Just everything else in my life. I spent as much time as possible with Edward. I knew it was selfish, but I knew I'd never be with him like this again. It was hard to enjoy our time together when I was trying not to sob uncontrollably the whole time. I tried to memorize every detail about him. The way he smelled, the color of his eyelashes, the faded little freckles on his nose. The way he looked at me, like he loved me. I was a mess, but luckily he blamed my emotions on the pregnancy and upcoming "procedure". He was so sweet. And his sweetness just broke me apart that much more. When finals finally finished, we celebrated by spending a whole 24 hours together. And that was the last time I saw him. My appointment was in 2 days, and I needed to finish getting everything ready. I wasn't going to go, obviously. Instead of meeting Dr. Jacks to end my pregnancy, I'd be on my way to Forks, my truck packed with the last of my things that weren't coming with me to Florida. Luckily I didn't have much. Once I sold all my books, everything I owned could fit in the back of my truck. And then I'd be flying to my new life. The new life that was so, so different than the life I thought I'd have, but the life that I had chosen anyway.

I'd been packing and preparing and sleeping every minute I wasn't with Edward or carelessly filling out a final. Edward knew I didn't want to have the abortion, he knew I was very emotional about the whole thing. Edward didn't deal well with emotion, so it was easy to convince him not to see me as I finished up my plans, or accompany me to the appointment. I'd told him my roommate Angela was going to take me and that I'd call him when I was feeling better. I told him I had to do this on my own. He didn't argue. He was pretty much letting me have my way on whatever I wanted lately. I asked him a million different times if he could reconsider, but he wouldn't. Couldn't. I wasn't surprised, I knew he wouldn't change his mind. That's why I made my plan. I figured if hell froze over and he all of the sudden decided he DID want to have a baby with me, I could always cancel my ticket. I knew that wasn't happening. The day of the appointment there was a huge bouquet of flowers outside my front door. I put them in a vase for my roommates, grabbed my bags and finished loading the truck. The flowers were the last thing I saw when I closed the door to my crappy student apartment and the life I could have had.

Edward had given me a promise ring after he told me he wanted to be together forever. It wasn't an engagement ring, but I still didn't feel right keeping it. It was a family heirloom and it looked like it was worth a fortune. So on my way out of town I stopped by his parents place. I planned on leaving the ring and a breakup letter in an envelope & then calling him to tell him where it was. It was safer and I didn't think Edward would be there. When I got to his parents place to drop off the letter, his dad opened the front door and caught me.

"Isabella," he said. His face was carefully composed. I knew that HE KNEW something was wrong.

"Dr. Cullen, " I said.

"It's Carlilse."

I shrugged my shoulders in response. I wasn't going to be ANYTHING from now on. This was the last time I'd see him.

"Would you like to come in?" he asked.

"No. Thank you."

"I think we should talk."

So I went in. It was as awkward as you'd expect. I told him I was leaving. He knew I didn't make it to my appointment. He thought I was trying to ruin his son's life. I tried to make it clear I wasn't. "

I don't want anything from you. I just can't do what Edward wants me to do. I couldn't stay with him if I had an abortion. How could I look at our future children and know that they could have had a big brother or sister?"

He seemed to understand. Especially the part where I didn't want anything from them.

"Edward can terminate his parental rights. I know he doesn't want this. This is my choice."

He seemed taken aback by that. But I was serious. I didn't want anything from them. He offered me money anyway. I told him no. He offered again and started writing out a check. I left. He followed. The last time I saw him, my truck was peeling out of their ridiculous circular driveway, spraying gravel into the flower beds. (I didn't feel too bad. They had "people" to deal with that.)

I started school as soon as I got to Florida. I only took two weeks off after Owen was born, jumping right into the program as soon as possible. When I graduated I looked at jobs in Seattle and Miami. Seattle to be close to my Dad, and because I was sure Edward would have left. (He was almost done with his doctorate when we were dating and all the jobs he'd been considering were on the east coast.) I knew through Angela that his family had sold their home (the open house was featured in the Seattle Times. It was THAT kind of house.) When I got an offer for a position at a swanky Dental office in Belltown, I made the move. Four day work weeks, $70K salary, and a cute little apartment across from the zoo. I was set.

And that's how I broke up with my amazing, brilliant, beautiful, sweet boyfriend and ran away to have his baby.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello Friends! What a kind welcome! I'm honored that you've taken time to read this (and review! Oh my gosh! Seriously! No, seriously. NO SERIOUSLY made my day!) I've been a fanfic stalker for years now, and was having a super crappy day yesterday. To cheer myself up, I decided to do something brave (well, brave for me ;) and upload this story that I started a few years ago. I've got 22K words written, and assume that I'm half way through. Thank you for reading and making today so much better than yesterday! _

_Since the fanfic site is still making sure I'm a real person and not a robot, it won't let me write back to any reviews yet. So let me just say a few things real quick. Some of you noticed that Edward was a bit of a jackass in the last chapter. Yes, yes he was. What's a good love story without a little angsty drama. I LOOOOOVE me some angsty drama. (Not in real life, only in fiction. We are not in High School anymore, my friends. Thank goodness. Unless you are still in High School, and let me just say that life gets sooooooooo much better!) _

_I'd like to make this a HEA, but I don't know exactly how to get it there. I've got to wrap my head around it a bit. I'd like to update a new chapter every day until I've got y'all caught up (then it'll slow down to a realistic pace), but we'll see if real life cooperates with me. I'm having so much fun, I may just bully real life into doing my will. BEHAVE REAL LIFE. LET ME UPDATE MY STORY! _

_Ok. Now I will. Let the draaaaaaama continue! _

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

A few days passed since the Pike Place Market incident, and I let myself believe that's all it was going to be. An isolated incident. Maybe I just imagined it. I should have known my imagination wasn't that good and that he wouldn't just let it go.

It was after dinner on a Thursday. My office was only opened Monday through Thursday, so every weekend was a fabulous 3-day Owen extravaganza. I used the time to relax, do our grocery shopping, and go on toddler-appropriate adventures. But mostly just relax. From the time we got off the bus on Thursday afternoon, it was THE WEEKEND. So imagine my surprise when I opened my front door to an officer, a lab technician, and a warrant for Owen's DNA. While wearing my ratty old yoga pants and a wife beater tank top. And Owen wearing nothing but a spaghetti stained onesie. I know, way to inspire confidence in my mothering skills.

"Bella Swan?"

"Can I help you?" I asked the officer in front of me, balancing a very messy Owen on my hip.

"I'm Officer Black, and I've got a warrant to collect DNA on your son."

I felt myself pale. I opened my mouth. I shut my mouth. I opened it again. "Can…can I see?"

He showed me the paperwork.

Yup.

There it was.

"Oh."

"Can we come in?"

My hand fluttered up uselessly, "Oh. Yeah…. Yes, I'm sorry. Please."

I opened the door. Even though I really wanted to slam it shut and go hide my head in a pillow.

The two men came in. I pointed vaguely at the couch and we sat down. I was totally overwhelmed and it showed. They seemed to take pity on me.

"Don't worry ma'am. This will only take a moment."

As the technician scooched towards us, Owen cowered in my hair.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Is there any way I can do it for you? You just need a swab of his cheek, right?"

"Uh, technically I have to do it, " the lab guy said. I blinked and looked at Owen. He was having none of it, trying to burrow into my side while simultaneously hiding his head in my chest.

"What about it you just watch me try it once, and if it's not enough you can try it."

The tech looked at Officer Black. Officer Black nodded slightly, and the tech handed me a swab.

"Thanks," I said with a sigh of relief. "He really doesn't do well with strangers."

I tickled Owen's side and got him to relax. He giggled, and I quickly swiped the inside of his mouth. I gave it a few more passes. Heaven knows I'd rather be thorough and get this done right the first time. I definitely did NOT want any more officers showing up at my door with warrants. The tech bagged the sample and gave the Officer a look. He nodded in response. They were getting up to go when I said, "Wait. Do you…do you know why he wants this?"

The officer paused and swallowed. "I'm sorry ma'am, I don't."

I did that count-back-from-100 thing and tried not to cry.

"He's not going to try to take Owen, is he?"

The officer just looked sad. I'm sure I looked pathetic. A few tears leaked out and I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Ugh, I'm sure I was bright red. The officer was feeling REALLY sorry for me now, cause he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry. I don't know." He paused and handed me his card. "Please. call me if there's …if you have any more questions."

I nodded in return, afraid that if I opened my mouth only my sobs would escape. I was definitely not in control of my emotions. As I closed the door behind them, I knew things had just gone from Maybe Kind of Bad to Pretty Horrible.

This is what I knew:

1. Edward was not happy with me.

2. Edward was questioning the paternity of my child (Really, Edward? Really?)

3. Edward had a lot more money for a lawyer than I did.

4. We were in trouble.

* * *

It was a Wednesday night and I was doing laundry. My building was centrally located and had a lot of charm, but was short on amenities like garbage disposals and in-unit washing machines. It was ok though, I had a system down. After dinner and bath, I put Owen to bed. I waited till I knew he was asleep, and then I'd strap on the baby monitor, grab my clothes basket and rush downstairs to the basement laundry room. With the help of the baby monitor I could keep an ear out and make sure Owen was ok while I filled up the washer. I figured I'd hear if someone ever tried to break in, I'd run up there and hit them upside the head with my 15 lb. bottle of detergent. I was only out of the apartment for five minutes to switch the laundry out and nothing had ever happened before. We'd lived in the building for a few months and I felt pretty good about our routine. But just as I finished pulling my load out of the drier, I heard a commotion over the baby monitor. At first I thought it must be the neighbors pounding on the wall. I cursed under my breath as I heard Owen stir and then cry out. I threw everything into the basket and started up the stairs. By the time I got to the lobby, all hell was breaking loose. In between Owen's sobs I could hear someone banging and calling my name. Was my apartment on fire? I took the stairs faster than I ever had before. I swear I made it to our floor in less than 30 seconds. And there was Edward, pounding on my apartment door.

"What's going on?" I asked. I pushed him aside, unlocked the door with a violently shaking hand, threw down the laundry basket, and ran into Owen's room. Edward followed right behind me.

"What the hell, Bella! Where were you? You almost gave me a heart attack!" Edward yelled as I pulled Owen out of his crib. He'd followed me into the room. I gave the laundry basket I'd flung into the living room a pointed glare and then gave Owen my attention. Owen was having none of it, though.

"Mommy, who's dat? Who's dat Mommy?"

"Edward, please, can you just give me a minute?"

He glared. He sighed. His shoulders slumped and he turned around and shut the door. I collapsed with Owen into the rocker and attempted to calm us both. I was 50% effective. Owen's head got heavy as I sang and rocked him. My own head just hurt. What was Edward doing here? He never cared about Owen before. Was it just because he'd never seen him in real life? Once I'd seen Owen, the theoretical love I'd have for him exploded into full-on-head-over-heels love for my baby. The first time we met I was exhausted from 12 hours of labor, he was covered in that gunky white stuff, his head looked like a squashed potato, and he was very angry. But he was so beautiful. It was love at first sight. Owen was no longer covered in Vernix caseosa, his head was beautifully shaped and he had sweet little red curls and big brown eyes. He was much cuter than a newborn. I could see why Edward would want to see him again. I wanted to see him every second of the day. Except when he was supposed to be sleeping. His little body relaxed and I knew he'd miraculously calmed down enough to sleep. I laid Owen's warm, limp body in his crib and covered him with his blanket. I may have been stalling a little bit, but I stood there and smoothed his hair and rubbed his arms for a few minutes. Then I finally turned to go face Edward. He was sitting at the kitchen table, rubbing his face with his hands and looking generally disheveled.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked in a quiet voice, hoping to set the tone for our little encounter. I got a little lucky putting Owen down again so quickly. I'm not sure if he'd cooperate with another interruption of his sleep. "I have water, milk or apple juice."

Edward looked amused for the first time. "No thanks. I don't need a sippy cup."

What was this? A joke? I tried to smile, but my face didn't cooperate. I pulled out a chair and joined him at the table. "Edward," I stopped. I took a big breath and tried again. "Edward, what are you doing here?"

He became very still and looked at me. It was his "thinking face". I grew stiff with his appraisal.

"What do you mean? How could this happen? Bella, what did you do?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"You left me. You didn't even discuss it with me. And then I find out that you HAD OUR BABY." His voice got a little louder at the end. I looked nervously at Owen's door. I wondered if I still had that officer's card. I think it was in the junk drawer. Way to be organized, Bella…

I spoke again quietly, trying to keep this calm. "I told you I didn't want an abortion. I must have told you a thousand times. But you didn't listen. How could you not know?"

I think he could hear the genuine confusion in my voice. I have the feeling it kept him from blowing up completely. "I didn't know because you didn't tell me," he said, his voice icy.

"I told you in the letter."

"No, you didn't. All you said in the note was, 'I'm sorry Edward, I can't do this. I had to make a choice. This is the end. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I'm going to stay with Renee for a while and get my life back on track. I've transferred schools. I am not coming back. I will always love you, but this is goodbye."

"Yes, I said it was too hard for me to have the abortion and that I was sorry for disappointing you….wait, did you memorize the letter? Is that what I wrote word for word?"

"And you returned your ring."

"Yes."

He looked at me. I felt defensive. "Didn't Carlilse tell you?"

"What?"

"Carlilse. I gave him the letter and the ring. We talked for a while. He thought I was going to ruin your life. I told him that you could terminate parental rights."

Edward paled. His faded freckles looked stark against his porcelain skin. And then he began to clench his hands into tight fists. He looked more than furious. I put my hand on his arm to calm him, something I'd done a lot when we were together. We'd really only been together four months, but I remembered how to be with him. I remembered who I was to him before I was Owen's mom. I knew how to help him regain his focus. It was strange, like reading a favorite book from your past. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

My mind was reeling. He really didn't know about Owen? The past three years I'd secretly been relieved but also resented the fact that he never tried to contact me. Sure, I knew he didn't want a baby, but didn't he even care what his son looked like? I'd felt a hole in my heart when I realized Edward was moving on without me. I felt I'd made an informed choice when I decided to have Owen on my own, but it still hurt that Edward had never proved me wrong. I guess now I understood why. "Edward. I'm so, so sorry, " I whispered. I tried to look him in the eye, but he was staring out the kitchen window. "I…I thought Carlilse told you. I knew you didn't want to have a baby. I thought I was doing what was best. I didn't want you to give up your life because of my decision. I knew you didn't want to be a father, and I wasn't going to force you. I'm so sorry."

He turned to face me now. "You never forced me to do anything, Bella. I'm the one who ruined everything."

I was genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

"I did. You didn't even want to have sex with me. I talked you in to it. And then you didn't want an abortion, and I forced you into that too. There were other options. We could have figured something out…I've ruined your life," he stopped, overcome with emotion. He continued, his voice breaking, "And you LEFT me. I couldn't understand why you didn't even talk to me about it. I thought we were going to be together forever, but I BROKE you. I made you do things you never wanted, and you left." He bent his head over my kitchen table and sobbed.

It was incredibly awkward.

I swallowed my panic and tried to calm him down. I felt like my carefully built life was beginning to sway in an earthquake. Like any second it would shake down into a pile of rubble. I didn't know if I'd be able to build it up again. "Shhhhh, shhhh, Edward, it's ok. Everything turned out ok. I'm happy with my life. I don't regret anything. Don't worry about things that we can't change."

"Isabella," he responded, his voice muffled in his arms, "I'm so sorry. I can't believe this is happening. How could I not have known?"

I sad there silently. Cause really, what could I say to that? I was kind of on the same page. And the more I thought about it, the more livid I became with Carlilse. But I was pretty sure if we discussed that, things would get loud. So I kept my mouth shut. I was tired. And I had work in the morning. Our problems were too big. I felt a lump of sorrow and futility grow inside me. I just had to get him out of here so I could pull my feelings and shock out and look at them. Look at the disaster this had all turned in to. And then I could figure out where to turn next. I wanted him to leave.

We sat in silence for a while. But it wasn't sweet.

After a little while, Edward pulled himself together. He shuddered and sat up with a sigh.

"So what do you want to do, Edward?" I asked. My head swam with questions. Did he want to see Owen? Did he want anything to do with us? And did we want anything to do with him? And his OBVIOUSLY crazy family?

"I guess…," his words stuck in his throat. " I don't know…. I…. should probably talk to Tanya."

I stayed quiet. But my thoughts must have shown on my face, cause he replied, "Tanya is my girlfriend. We've been dating for about 9 months. She's studying to be a surgeon."

Of course she was. "Is she the one who was with you at Pike Place?"

"Yeah."

"She's pretty." It's the only nice thing I could think to say about this Tanya, who I'm pretty sure already hated me.

"I've been told." I just let that one go.

"Would you like to call me after your talk then?"

"Yeah. I guess that'd be good."

"Edward… You don't need to worry about us disrupting your life. And I didn't mean to run away from you at Pike Place, you were just the last person I expected to see there…"

Edward interrupted me, "Isabella. Please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Can I have some time to think, to figure out what I'm going to do?"

"Ok," I whispered. That kind of scared me. I wasn't sure I wanted him to do anything.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You both will be in my life. Always. Owen is my son. But I just need to figure out how to do that. How to fit you in. I will. I just need time."

After a moment of silence, I said, "Edward, can I ask you something?" "

Of course."

"Why the paternity test? You didn't think I went off and had someone else's baby, did you?"

"To be honest, I didn't know what to think. When I saw you in the market, at first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I've thought I've seen you before. But you were real. And you'd had an abortion. I knew it. I set up the appointment myself. I'd picked the doctor. Carlilse had told me. So who was this boy? Where did he come from? I called Alice, and she's the one who told me to get a paternity test. I think she knew I wouldn't believe it until I saw the results on paper myself."

"Oh." I was so furious with Carlilse. I cringed, realizing that this was Owen's grandpa. Ugh.

After a few more minutes, Edward shook his head and rose. "I guess I'd better go. I….I mean We have a lot to think about."

I stood up too. "Just one more thing Edward. Please."

He looked up.

"You're not…you're not going to try to take Owen from me, are you?" I asked in a small voice. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight unless that option was taken off the table.

His face paled, he looked shocked. "Do you think I would DO that?"

"No. I don't think you would do that on purpose, but I think….I feel like I can't trust your family. And I just need to know. I haven't been able to sleep since I saw you at the market, afraid that the Cullens were going to claim their stolen heir or something."

Anger flashed in Edward's eyes. "No. I wouldn't do that," he replied.

I shrugged my shoulders in response, tired of words, tired of trying to talk. Tired.

He responded by pulling me up into a hug. And by pulling me up, I mean literally. He was a lot taller than me. And in that moment, I remembered exactly what it felt like to belong with Edward Cullen. I reveled in it, breathing in the smell of his neck, and feeling his strong arms around me. But Edward Cullen wasn't mine any more. So I pulled back and he let me go. I walked him to the door avoiding his eyes. I was afraid to look in them. Things were already too strange.

"Goodnight, Bella. I'll be in touch soon."

"Good night Edward," I said, looking at my wall. He left. I shut the door. I went to bed. I cried myself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The following Tuesday, I got a call from Edward.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I answered, my heart immediately leaping into my throat.

"It's Edward."

"Hello." The back of my hands prickled with adrenalin in anticipation. Like my body was preparing for another cross-country flight.

"Bella, I was hoping we could talk."

"Um, sure. I think that's a good idea." Silence met me on the line. So much for talking. I guess he was having the same reaction as me. That's ok; I had questions of my own.

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Bella."

"How did you get my cell number? It's unlisted… I know you probably got my address from the police report, but it shouldn't have had this number on it…"

Again he was silent.

"Oh wait, let me guess, you hired a private investigator…" I said, only slightly joking.

Silence.

"Wait, you hired a private investigator? Why would you do that?" My voice cracked at the end. He sighed. I could imagine him closing his eyes and pinching his nose near his eyebrows. It was something he always did in extreme frustration. I tried not to be happy about his frustration level. Payback is a bitch and all that…

"When I saw you at Pike Place, I was confused. I wanted to know what the hell was going on, and I wanted to hear it from a third party. Not from you. Not from Carlilse. I just wanted the facts. The same reason I got the paternity test."

"And how do you feel now that you have 'The Facts'?"

"I'm….I don't know. I'm sad. I'm overwhelmed. I'm confused."

Now it was my time to be silent.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"When we talked last week, you heard me say that I wanted to be in Owen's life. How do you really feel about that?"

"Good?"

He sighed. "No, I mean, how do you really feel about me being in your life. Being Owen's Dad…"

"Edward, I think it's important that you are a part of Owen's life. He needs a Dad. But I'm all he's ever known. Every kid needs a dad. And I think you'll get there with him. But slowly. Let's just see."

He was silent again.

"Baby steps," I added.

"Yes," he replied.

"But you have to stop invading my privacy. DNA tests and Private Investigators are WAY over the line. Seriously, it's freaking me out."

He cleared his throat self consciously, "I'm sorry, Bella. I just needed to understand what was happening. I promise, I won't do it again."

I sighed. That really was such an "Edward" move. He was so Left Brain. Everything was black and white with him. And, to his credit, he was ridiculously brilliant. Most the time he WAS right. But not when it came to people. Another sigh, and I held up the white flag. "Well, you already know where we live. You could come visit some time and we could take it from there."

"That sounds good." More awkward silence, and then Blammo, "Bella, why did you leave me in a letter? Why didn't you break up with me face to face?"

I swallowed a tiny bit of panic and took a deep breath. "Edward, I told you exactly how I felt. I told you about 5,000 times how I felt. You didn't listen. And I was so in love with you. I was afraid you'd convince me to change my mind. Really, what do you think would have happened if I'd tried breaking up with you in person. What if I'd come to you and said, 'I skipped my appointment. I'm having this baby. And I'm leaving.' What would you have done?"

Silence.

A heavy sigh.

"I would have done everything in my power to get you to the clinic. I never wanted to ruin your life."

"I know, Edward. But you were wrong. I made the right decision for me and Owen. I made the choice. It was mine. And you weren't hearing my answer. I tried over and over and you wouldn't hear me. It was the only thing I could do. I had enough strength to do what I did. Nothing more. I can be sorry I broke up with you in a letter, and you can be sorry you didn't listen. There's nothing we can do to change that. But it's not just about us anymore, Owen comes first. So I'm willing to move on."

Another awkward silence. And so I filled it, "Edward, what about you? You know all about our lives, but all I know about you is that you're dating a Tanya. Where do you live?"

"I'm downtown. I have a condo."

Of course he did. It was probably a penthouse with views of Elliot Bay.

"Well, that's practically down the street," I said, trying to put a good spin on it. It was good that he was close, right?

"Yes, I'm really amazed at how fortuitous this all is. Of all the places in the country, you and Owen end up only five miles away."

"Yeah. Amazing," I replied. I tried not to sound sarcastic. But really, of ALL THE PLACES IN THE COUNTRY, I end up five miles from my Baby Daddy. Ugh. It was just so….typical!

"Bella, I don't know how to thank you."

"Then don't Edward." I didn't want to be in this position. I didn't want to share my baby with him. But it wasn't about just me anymore. I needed to at least pretend to be mature. I wasn't feeling very charitable, so I pretended.

"Well…thank you. And if you really mean it, I'd like to see Owen soon."

I sighed. "Of course I mean it Edward. You are his father, even though you just found that out. This whole thing is just really odd. I feel like I'm living out a Lifetime Movie."

"Yeah, I know," he chuckled with relief. "If you'd told me a month ago that I'd be speaking to Bella on the phone about visitation with my son, I would have called Security to have you escorted off the premises."

"Yeah. "

"But really, Bella. Thank you. Your generosity never ceased to amaze me when we were together. But still, this is so much. I….I really appreciate it."

"Thanks. I guess. Let's just leave it here for now, ok Edward? We can figure a little more out later."

"Yes, it is rather…overwhelming. Isn't it?"

"You got that right," I said, laughing to myself.

"I'll let you go," he said. I stilled, and felt the old sadness squish in my stomach. I already had let him go. I felt melodramatic and self conscious and stupid.

"Goodnight," I said.

"Goodnight, Isabella."

I hung up the phone. I went to bed. I didn't cry this time. But I didn't sleep either.

A few days later I got another surprise visit. But this time Edward wasn't trying to break down the door.

"Hello Edward," I said, putting on my nice face. With all these unexpected visitors, I really needed to start wearing better clothes when I got home from work. This time I was sporting an old baggy sweater and leggings with fraying hems. I did NOT feel pretty. I was in the middle of cooking dinner and Owen was making me a little bit crazy.

"Bella. You said I could see Owen some time. I was in the neighborhood. I'm sorry, I should have called.."

"Yeah, you should have. But it's ok," I replied, opening the door to let him in. "We were just about to sit down and eat. I'm going to feed Owen. Are you hungry?"

He shook his head and swallowed, craning his head around me to get a look at my sweet little boy, who was currently pulling all the low hanging magnets off the fridge and relocating them to the side of the oven. "I ate when I got home from the lab. Thank you. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your night."

"It's ok, we're kind of getting used to it. We haven't had this many visitors, well, ever."

"Really?" he asked as we made our way into the kitchen. I scooped Owen up and put him in his booster.

"Hungry, sweetheart?" I asked.

"I wanna eat. I WANNA EAT!" Owen pounded his hands on the table.

"Charming, my darling child," I said. Edward snorted. I smirked back, "He learned that from Charlie."

Edward smiled slightly. I served up the food and sat down to eat. "Are you sure you don't want any? There's plenty. You always liked my stir fry. I have tons, really."

"Thank you. But no, I'm fine. I don't need to eat your food."

I shrugged in response and helped Owen with his spoon. He was pretty good at feeding himself, but sometimes got a little over excited.

"Careful baby, remember to chew."

We sat quietly, watching him stuff handful and spoonfuls of rice and vegetables in his little mouth.

"Hm. I guess he likes it."

I laughed. "Yeah. He does. You always know how Owen feels about everything. No secrets with this kid." I cringed when I realized that no, Edward didn't know anything about Owen. Edward didn't even seem to notice my pause. He was transfixed by the spectacle before him.

Owen finally slowed down enough to engage in conversation. He waved his spoon in Edward's directions and said, "Who dat, Mommy?"

"That is….Edward."

Edward beamed at him.

"Oh," was Owen's brilliant response. He resumed his eating. I caught Edward's eye, "Is that what you want him to call you?"

Edward's forehead wrinkled. He pursed his lips in thought. I looked away. I took a big bite of food, trying to push the thought of lips out of my head.

"I…I suppose, for now. That would be good. We should probably move forward slowly."

I chewed and swallowed. "Did you get a chance to speak with Tanya?" He turned his head quickly and looked at me. Was it weird to have his Ex and mother of his child talk about his gorgeous new girlfriend? Yeah, probably.

"Yes, we spoke."

I let that hang there. I didn't want to push him. I looked down at my plate and concentrated really hard on some snap peas.

"She….she wasn't very happy." I looked up at Edward. He seemed sad. I let him collect his thoughts.

"We had an argument. It was pretty bad. I think we might be broken up."

"You THINK you might be broken up?"

"Well, she said some things and left."

"Like what kind of things?"

"That now is not a good time, she wasn't ready to be a mom, and that I'm easily replaceable."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"But she wouldn't be Owen's mom. I'm Owen's mom."

"I told her that. But she didn't like that very much. She said some things about you that weren't very nice and I asked her to leave."

I felt cheeks burn in anger and embarrassment. But I'd better get used to it. I was always a disappointment for the Cullens the first time around. Now I get to complicate Edward's relationship with his perfect and gorgeous girlfriend. If they broke up I'm sure I'd never hear the end of it. I sighed and mentally added that fun fact to the tally of reasons to never talk to his family again.

"So when exactly was this?"

"Last Friday."

"Have you tried calling her since then?"

"Um, no."

"What?"

"Well, I think she's right."

"What?"

"She's right, if she doesn't want anything to do with my son, she should find a new boyfriend."

I stared at him.

"Really? Just like that you're going to let her go?"

He looked at me quizzically.

"Edward, how do you feel about Tanya?"

"She is brilliant and kind," I mentally rolled my eyes at the "kind" thing. Sure, she was kind, she just didn't like my amazing adorable child. Whatever. "She has a great future. Our families are good friends."

"Ok, but do you love her?"

He looked at me. He didn't answer.

"If you love her, you should call her and try to work it out."

He looked down and rolled a few strewn pieces of rice from Owen's voracious display into a little pile.

"Edward, I don't mean to pry. I don't want to hurt your feelings, or assume you want to hear any of my advice, but can I say something?"

He nodded.

"You tend to just make these big decisions and lay down the law. And that's fine. It's good to know what you want and be strong. But don't sabotage yourself. If Tanya is important to you, I'm sure you can find some sort of solution."

He looked away, folding his hands on the table.

"I understand."

I finished my dinner and started clearing away the plates.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Now that you've had some time to adjust, what do you want to do about Owen?"

"I want to be in his life. I want to be his Dad."

"Oh." And though I knew this was coming, his words still brought me an unexpected relief and a tiny bit of terror. Our lives were definitely going to get more complicated, but I was grateful, especially for Owen. He deserved to know his father.

"Is that ok, Bella?"

"Yes," I said. I smiled at him and sighed. "I think that's great." Then I started to think about some logistics. "But can we talk about specifics? I kind of like the specifics."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, like, how often do you want to see Owen? I arranged my whole life around the 3 day weekends we spend together now. I really don't want to give up the only time I have with my son. But I know you pretty much only have the weekends too. And I'm also worried about Owen adjusting to you. He's fine now because I'm here, but if I were to leave the two of you alone…Especially if you were to take Owen by yourself, I don't think that would go over well. At all."

"Right. I understand. Like I said before, I think we should take things slowly. I don't want to traumatize him by taking him away from his Mom to go get ice cream."

I smiled, feeling relieved. And slightly overwhelmed. All of the sudden, Owen was getting his father. And Edward sounded…cooperative. I was almost afraid to hope that this might actually work.

"I'm sure you want to spend a little time with him. Would you like to read him some stories while I do the dishes?"

"There's nothing I'd like better."

I kind of doubted that, but was happy at the sentiment. "Well, if you think THAT'S fun, I'll even let you stay for bath and bedtime."

Edward beamed in response.

I stood up, wiped down my incredibly messy child, pulled him from the booster and let him loose, "Owen, Edward is going to read you some stories. Can you show Edward where your stories are?"

"I get stories, mama." He pulled Edward into his room with his chubby fingers and left me to clean up the disaster behind him.

After the kitchen was put back in order, the child was bathed and put to bed, it was just me and Edward in the living room. But unlike last week, I no longer wanted to run and hide. I almost felt content.

"Edward, do you have any plans for this weekend?"

"I was hoping I could see Owen again. If that's alright with you."

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to the zoo with us on Saturday. We usually go at least once a week. It's going to get cold pretty soon, so I'm trying to fit in all the fun outdoor activities while I still can."

"That sounds perfect, what time should I be here."

"Ten?"

"Ten. And you have my number so you can call me if you need to reach me?"

We pulled out cell phones and I got all his info. He had the new fancy iphone. I had a phone that came free with my contract, was over 3 years old and dinged up from being repeatedly dropped and exploding into pieces.

"By the way, why do you still have a Florida area code?"

"I just haven't gotten around to changing it. Besides, this is the number everyone has for me."

"Yes, well everyone now."

Finished putting his numbers in, I placed my phone on my nightstand/coffee table and went to pull my blankets out of the closet. Edward looked around confused.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"Where is your room?"

"It's here. In the living room. It was easier to give Owen the room cause he sleeps a lot more than me. This way I don't keep him up when I'm puttering around late at night."

"Where do you sleep though?"

I pointed to the couch.

"It folds down. I got the nicest one, it's actually very comfortable."

"But where do you keep your clothes?"

I pointed to the TV, which was sitting on top of my low dresser.

"I don't need much room. This works out perfect."

He didn't answer. I knew he was thinking judgmental thoughts.

"It's fine Edward. This place is actually great. It's in a good neighborhood. We're zoned for a great school. I can always find parking. It's right next to the bus line. And it's cute."

"Cute."

I smiled and blinked. "Yes. Cute."

He frowned slightly.

"And it's affordable. I can put extra money in savings and his college fund every month. What do you want me to say?"

"I think we can do better."

"No, Edward."

"Yes, Bella."

"Edward, we're fine. I don't want to move. Owen is finally happy here. It was hard for him to leave Florida and Grandma. I don't want to uproot him again."

"I suppose we can give it a few months."

I sighed with exasperation. "Edward, NO. Really. I like it here."

"Bella, there's no washer or drier. No dishwasher. You don't even have a bedroom! You sleep on a futon! And the building isn't secure!"

"Edward! It's a couch bed and IT'S FINE."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to look. Alice could help."

I gulped. Alice. I'd almost forgotten about her and her penchant for real estate.

"No Edward," I said, quieter this time. "Please. Let's just take things slowly. Part of taking things slowly is NOT MOVING. Ok? Please? I need you to respect my boundaries. This…," I said, motioning to the space around me, "Is my boundary. My apartment. My life."

He closed his eyes, shook his head and sighed. Apparently I was making him frustrated. Poor thing.

"Fine."

"I'm not moving Edward."

"No, you're right. We'll take things slowly."

We said our goodbyes and I locked the door behind him. (You know, I take precautions like that with my dangerously unsecured building.) On the whole, the unexpected encounter was much more pleasant than I ever would have hoped. This is what I knew:

1. Our little disagreement at the end wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

2. I had no intention of letting Alice scout out a new place for us.

3. No WAY would I take any Cullen money. (No need to fuel that "gold-digger" reputation I already had with them.)

4. We had some solid plans, and Edward and I actually seemed to be improving our communication.

5. This just might work.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Flashback! EPOV! **_

_I first saw her in the library. She was sitting at the information desk on the nearly empty third floor. Her head was rested on one hand and she idly twirled a strand of mahogany hair between her fingers as she read a thick old book. She was a natural beauty, a breath of fresh air. She looked sweet and kind and interesting and perfect. After gazing at her like a love struck idiot for a few moments, I saw her start to look up. Of course I turned on my heel and fled. But I though I left her presence, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I found myself drawn back to the library over and over again. It was a fluke I'd even been in the library in the first place. All the facts I needed were on my computer. No tomes on the dusty third floor shelves contained information I needed. But like a moth to a flame, I returned over and over again. _

_It was standing hidden behind the Byron collection that I was discovered by my friend and sister's boyfriend Jasper. They'd recently discovered my infatuation after questioning the amount of time I'd been spending at the library._

"_What are you doing, Edward?"_

"_Nothing," I replied, pulling a book down from the shelf and pretending it was what I was looking for._

_He gave the information desk a pointed glare and replied, "Obviously." And then he just walked right up to the desk and started talking to her. Right in front of me! Without even thinking about it! I stepped out from behind the stacks hesitantly, as if I could stop the force that was Jasper. He had always been better with social situations. Actually, anyone seems social compared to me. But Jasper especially. I watched the display in front of me, aghast at the ease with which they spoke. Like the world wasn't ending. Like it was possible to have a normal conversation this beautiful and intriguing girl. He turned and nodded his head in my direction. I immediately stiffened and turned to leave. This was too much._

"_Edward, wait!" Jasper said as he ran up behind me. I didn't turn his way, "I need to go."_

"_Come on, man. I was making some progress."_

"_Clearly," I replied as I continued walking._

"_Her name is Isabella, but she goes by 'Bella'. She works Monday through Friday in the afternoons. Three to six. She does NOT have a boyfriend."_

"_What?" I asked. My flight had slowed as he revealed the information his two minute conversation had gleaned. We paused in front of the wide staircase, blessedly out of view of the information desk._

"_And she thinks you're cute."_

"_WHAT?"_

"_Yeah. That's as far as I got before you went all chicken shit on me."_

_I stared at him, my mouth gaping._

"_So, do you want me to go back and finish the mission or what?"_

_I didn't know whether to be mortified or kiss Jasper with gratitude. Wait, what mission?_

"_What mission?"_

"_The mission where I get her to go meet us for dinner when she's done with work. I was thinking we could call Alice so she wouldn't get freaked out about hanging with two strange dudes."_

_I snorted in response._

"_So?"_

"_So what, Jasper?"_

"_So, can I go finish talking to her?"_

_I sighed. I was mortified. This was quite possibly the most embarrassed I'd ever been in my life, which was saying quite a lot, considering the number of idiotic things I've done. "Yes. Please. Thank you," was my grunted response. Because overcoming my awesome embarrassment was an overwhelming curiosity. Isabella? I finally knew her name. And it was perfect. Though we hadn't even spoken, I'd been drawn to her over an over again. I was completely taken with her._

_I fled to my office while Jasper finished his "mission". I pretended to work. I got nothing done. _

_Later on, as per Jasper's instructions, I met Isabella and the conniving Jasper at a little restaurant just off campus. It wasn't the ideal location, I would have preferred a nice quiet place, maybe something downtown with a view, but Isabella had a night class and limited time. I was so nervous, I doubted I'd be able to eat anything. I arrived before Jasper and Isabella and grabbed a booth. The two arrived at the same time. I stood as they approached._

"_Hey bro, this is Bella."_

"_Edward," I said to her, wiping my sweaty hand on my pants before reaching out to shake hers._

"_It's nice to meet you," she said in response. Her hand was soft and her voice low and melodic and perfect. Everything about her was perfect. She smiled and began to sit across from where I was standing. Jasper nudged me and I slid into the booth seat. He took a seat next to Bella. _

"_You don't mind," he asked her as he moved to sit._

"_Not at all."_

"_I figured this would look less like an interrogation. And I'm sure Alice will want to sit where she can get a good look at the girl who's intrigued her genius brother."_

_Isabella blushed in response. I felt bad, I didn't want her to be embarrassed. She seemed to recover quickly._

"_So, Edward, you're a genius?"_

_I nodded. Jasper spoke, "Yeah. Literally. He's getting his doctorate right now."_

"_Really?" she asked, confused. "How old are you? If you don't mine me asking…" she blushed again. "Sorry, that's rude. I'm sorry."_

_Was she nervous too? That made me feel marginally better. At least I wasn't alone._

"_No, I get that all the time. I'm 22. I started college at 16. I got my masters a few years ago. I'll be finished with my doctorate next year."_

"_Wow. That's impressive."_

_I shrugged my shoulders in response._

"_Bella is an English major," Jasper added. I was so glad he was here, but I felt self conscious about the way he kept guiding me. Like he was my tour guide to all things beautiful and scary._

"_Really?" I asked. (I know, even I am astounded by my conversationalist skills.)_

"_Yes. And don't ask me what I'm going to do with it. I'm still trying to work that part out. I'm thinking about maybe trying for an editing internship and seeing what it's like to work for a publishing company. We'll see. Or maybe I'll freelance, I don't know."_

"_That's great," was my genius reply._

_We were interrupted by Alice's arrival._

"_Hello friends!" she said. Alice is exuberant and loving and overwhelming. I cringed, hoping she'd really help Isabella feel more comfortable with this chaperoned encounter. Looking appraisingly at Isabella, she continued, "I'm Alice, it's so nice to meet you!"_

"_Thank you, it's nice to meet you too."_

"_Have you guys ordered yet?"_

"_No," Jasper replied, standing to give Alice a kiss. I pulled the disgusting laminated menus from behind the napkin dispenser and handed them out. Isabella smiled at me as she took hers._

"_Do you eat here often? I need a recommendation," she said._

"_No," I replied. "I haven't eaten here before."_

"_Me neither. Too expensive."_

_That was definitely not what I'd been thinking as I looked over the choices. The most expensive thing on the menu was a $20 steak. The burgers were about $10. _

"_So, Isabella, Jasper said you're an English major?" Alice asked, and just like that I was able to remove myself from the conversation and sit in my favorite spot. The spot where I sit unnoticed and observe the beautiful Isabella. She was gracious and kind and answered all of Alice's probing questions with tact and humor. I learned that she grew up in a split home between Phoenix and the provincial Forks, Washington. Her father was chief of police in the small town. Her mother was remarried and recently relocated to Florida. She had no siblings and was on a full scholarship (which means she's intelligent). It covered most her expenses, but she worked at the library to cover the extra costs (which means she's hard working and sensible). She had just begun her junior year and was on time for graduation. She did not go to parties, did not belong to a sorority, and most importantly, she did not have a boyfriend. She said she'd only dated one guy, and that it wasn't serious (which I found hard to believe.) In return, Alice and Jasper filled Isabella in on All Things Pertaining To Edward. I am freakishly smart. I love music. Alice and I are siblings, and both adopted. Our father is a surgeon and our mother is an architect. We were raised in the Seattle area. I taught a few classes for the university in between lab work. I did not want to practice medicine, but rather wanted to create medicine. And apparently, I cannot speak for myself. _

_Again I was torn between mortification and gratitude. If it weren't for Alice and Jasper, I probably would have spent the next two years pining after an unknown enigma, only to loose her when some other suitor snatched her up or she graduated. I was incredibly grateful for their intervention, but at the same time I was ready for them to leave. I wanted to speak to Isabella on my own. I wanted her all to myself. I finally inched my way into the conversation just as the bill was dropped off. _

"_Isabella," I started._

"_Just Bella."_

"_I'm sorry," she smiled in response. My word, she was beautiful. "Bella, are you free to go out this weekend? Would you like to have dinner with me?" I'd never done this before, just asked a girl to dinner. My nerves weren't helped when I felt Alice grab my knee in glee. I nudged her with my elbow, hoping Isabella hadn't noticed._

"_Sure, I'd like that," she said, pulling a scrap of paper from her purse and scribbling on it with a pen, "Here's my number. I usually get off of work at 6. What night do you want to do it?"_

_I swallowed in anticipation and tried to get the words 'do it' out of my mind. "Friday?"_

"_Friday is great. Just give me a call. It sounds like fun!" she reached into her wallet and pulled out some money. Jasper grabbed her arm, "Nuh uh, Bells, your money is no good here."_

"_Sure it is," she deadpanned back. _

"_No way, Bella," Alice responded. "If you don't let the boys get this, I won't let Jasper talk to me the rest of the night."_

_Isabella looked uncomfortable, "Well, at least let me cover the tax and tip." She reached into her purse again for a calculator. She was so sweet, I was pretty sure I was in love._

"_No, Isabella," I said. "Please."_

_She narrowed her eyes. "Well, I'm not going out on Friday unless you let me pay for myself." I looked at her in panic and turned to Alice._

"_Don't be silly. Edward has loads of money. Really, you're doing us a favor by getting him out of the house on a Friday night."_

_She rolled her eyes and laughed, "Wow, it's SO HARD for me too. Having to go out with a brilliant, super hott nice guy. It's really going to take it out of me."_

_Alice laughed at her sarcasm, and I'm pretty sure I floated away right there. She thought I was nice. And super hot. This was the best night of my life._

_She still tried to leave money on the table, but Jasper grabbed it when she wasn't looking and tucked it back in her purse. As we left, I asked if I could walk her to her class. She graciously accepted my offer and we finally left our chaperones. We walked in mostly silence, but it was comfortable and wonderful. Just like Isabella._

"_Thank you for dinner, Edward," she said as we stopped in front of her classroom door._

"_Thank you for agreeing to go out with me on Friday. It can't come soon enough."_

"_You're sweet," she said, and she reached out and squeezed my hand. "Bye, Edward. Call me and let me know what the plan is."_

_I nodded, still shocked, and watched her walk into her class. I was in love._

* * *

Present Day.

A photographic memory isn't always the blessing you'd imagine. I can never forget how wonderful it was to have Bella. And now that she is no longer My Bella, I have a perfect recollection of what I've lost.

These past few weeks have brought me clarity and understanding. It's been a painful experience. I thought I understood the world around me and my place in it. Now I've discovered I know nothing.

When Bella left, the pain I felt was unfathomable. It went beyond emotional and made me physically ill. The guilt I felt was a burning torture. The words in her parting letter, "It was just to hard," haunted me. I'd broken her. It was only fitting that she left me broken too.

In the wake of her absence, I ensconced myself in my lab. It was my cave. By immersing myself in my work I was able to forget, even if only for a few hours at a time. I felt more machine than man. My family came to accept that I no longer smiled. I no longer laughed. I no longer wanted anything from them.

Alice had been beside herself for months, trying to help me through my grieving. When I forced Bella to end her pregnancy, I lost her and my future. I had thought I was saving her from a mistake. I didn't want to hijack her life, to saddle her with unwanted responsibility. How could I ask her to give up her dreams because I'd impregnated her? I thought I was doing the only right thing. Clearly, I am an idiot.

After Bella left there were horrible days when I didn't speak to anyone. But finally I began to emerge from the darkness. I was a withered husk, ringing hollow with my emptiness. I didn't even try to fill the void. Alice did though. She began with hints, then came coddling, and finally the lectures. In the end, she got her way and I got on with my life as best I could. Alice began inviting Tanya to outings. Tanya is beautiful, intelligent and kind. She is funny and my family loves her. But Tanya is not Bella. And though I love her in a way, she will never be to me what Bella was.

Knowing now of Carlisle manipulations, that he allowed my ignorance to separate me from Bella and my son, I find it hard to consider him my father. I am so angry with him that I cannot even put my frustration into words. After hearing of his betrayal, I immediately confronted him. He had a long list of excuses. He only wanted what was best for me. He didn't want me to be hurt. We were too young to start a family. Clearly, Carlisle is an idiot also. Perhaps there's some truth to the Nature vs. Nurture argument. I was indubitably my Father's son.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bella**

At precisely 9:55a.m. on Saturday, Edward arrived for our Zoo Outing. I hurriedly shoved the last of our supplies in my backpack and welcomed him in.  
"Sorry Edward, I'm just finishing getting everything together. Can you just give me a second?"

"Of course."

"Owen is in his room playing with his trains. If you could help him put his shoes on, that'd be great."

He smiled in response and I ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I had to admit, it was pretty freakin' sweet listening to the boys interact while I brushed. Edward reintroduced himself (as "Edward" still. Not "Dad". We'd cross that bridge later…) and then I immediately heard Owen start to explain which train was which (he'd named them all). Edward kept trying to interrupt and help him with his shoes, but Owen was having none of it. I rinsed my mouth, pulled a cap on my head and grabbed the sunscreen.

"Ok, sweetie, time to put the sunblock on!"

"No thank you Mommy."

"Uh oh, we can't go to the zoo unless you have sunblock on."

"Ehward take me."

I laughed.

"Uh, no Owen. Your Mommy is right. You can't go to the zoo unless you have your sunscreen on."

Owen finally realized he'd lost and dragged himself over. He stood patiently while I knelt before him and slathered the lotion on.

"I don't yike it."

"I know, kiddo. We're almost done."

Edward was watching us in fascination. I turned to him and asked self consciously, "What?"

"Nothing," he replied, with a mysterious smile.

"You probably should put some on too," I said, "I remember how badly you burn." I approached him and held up my hands. "Can I just put this on you? I don't want it to go to waste."

"Sure, but what about you?"

"My face lotion has sunblock in it. I'm good."

He stilled and held out his arms. I massaged the excess lotion on his arms. "Owen, look at what a good boy Edward is. HE doesn't complain when I rub sunblock on him." I moved to his face and rubbed a little across his cheeks.

Edward inhaled and looked at me. It was "the look". You know, the one that gets a girl into trouble. I quickly finished and handed him the bottle.

"Here, you might want to get the tips of your ears and your nose. I'm all out now."

"Thanks," he replied, grabbing the bottle from my hand, brushing his fingers against mine.

I turned quickly and distracted myself by helping Owen finish getting his shoes on (Edward hadn't been able to distract him from the trains earlier).

"All ready?" I asked.

"Yes," they both replied. I laughed and grabbed the backpack. "Edward, can you carry Owen down the stairs for me? If I let him walk, it'll take us ½ an hour to get to the lobby." (Having an extra pair of arms definitely came in handy on outings, that's for sure…) Since my cute little apartment was across the street from the zoo, it was only a matter of minutes before we were at the ticket counter.

"Two adults and one child," Edward said, pulling out his wallet.

"Oh, actually, Owen and I have passes. Well, technically I have a pass, he's still free."

"Oh," Edward said.

"You might want to think about just getting yourself a pass too. This one gets you into the zoo and the aquarium. Believe me, with Owen in your life, you'll definitely get your money's worth."

Edward beamed at me like that was the BEST NEWS EVER. (Hey everybody likes a good deal, even Mr. Richey Rich.)

Once inside, we walked with Owen between us. We were picture perfect, two happy parents and an adorable, precocious toddler. I guess it just goes to show, you never can REALLY tell what's going on in people's lives just by the way they look.

"Mom, can we play One TwO ThrEE UP YOU GO?" Owen asked, his voice getting louder and more excited as he went on.

"I guess, is that OK with you, Edward?"

"Um, sure. What exactly is that?"

"It's where we count, One, Two, Three and then on 'Up you go" Owen lifts up his feet and we swing him. It's one of his favorite games, but you have to have two adults to play it. So he doesn't get to very often."

"Of course," Edward answered, smiling softly at his exuberant son.

And so we walked, Owen overjoyed and excited about jumping and monkeys and tapirs and snakes. I don't know what was more fun, watching Owen, or watching Owen try to explain everything to Edward.

"Dis a TAP-EAR, Ehward."

"Oh! I like the white stripe," Edward replied.

"Yeah."

"Dis a OWL, Ehward."

"It is. They fly at night."

"Yeah. Night. Owl is "O". Like Owen. Huh, Ehward?"

"That's right!"

"Yeah."

That's pretty much how it went. I noticed Owen starting to slow down, and while he was occupied watching the chimps, I brushed Edward's arm. He looked at me happily and raised his eyebrows.

"Owen's going to need to eat lunch and then take an N-A-P soon."

"Ok. There was a café at the front gates, should we head there?"

"No, I packed some stuff. We can stop on the next bench and eat and then make our way home after that."

Edward nodded and we distracted Owen away from the chimps with the lure of fruit snacks. We divided the food and enjoyed our little break. Of course Owen inhaled his sandwich and then hopped off the bench, revitalized enough to try to catch the birds circling our picnic looking for handouts.

"Bella," Edward hesitated. "I need to thank you. I can't believe how…gracious and wonderful and kind and…" his voice broke a little bit.

"It's fine Edward. You really don't have to keep bringing this up. I'm glad you want to be part of Owen's life."

"I do. So much. I just can't believe you've done this all on your own."

"Well, not exactly on my own. Renee helped a lot while I went to school. I couldn't have done it without her."

"But everything you've given up. You're such an amazing mom. I feel…so lucky that Owen has you."

"Edward, that's so sweet. But you have to know, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I don't think any parent really does. We just all do the best we can."

He sat there a moment.

"I didn't. I didn't do the best I could. And I lost everything."

I put my hand on his.

"Edward, you were a stubborn idiot."

He snorted and with a wry smile asked, "Is this you trying to comfort me?"

"It broke my heart to leave you. I felt like I didn't have a choice. Really, can you imagine not having this?" I asked, motioning between myself and Owen.

He swallowed hard and replied, "I don't have to imagine."

I wasn't very moved by his martyred tone. "I was so frustrated with you, but I knew I couldn't change your mind. And I knew I was making the right choice. I'm so sorry you didn't know about Owen. That wasn't fair. To any of us. But nothing we can do will change the past. Edward, all we can do is accept what we have now and move forward. Owen's life will be better if he knows his father. I wish things had happened differently." I stopped for a minute too. I pulled my hand back. I needed to collect myself. "But I learned a lot about myself. That's what challenges do. They force us to understand who we really are."

"So really, I'm a gigantic life-ruining ass?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed.  
"Sure, Edward. Whatever."

He threw me a baleful look. Then one side of his lips drew up into a smile. And he joined me. Owen stopped torturing the birds long enough to watch the display and then join in. He let out a huge fake laugh and then smiled and giggled. That did it, Edward and I broke out in a the kind of belly laugh that brings tears to your eyes. When we were done, I began packing up our picnic.

"Bella, I'm so grateful for what you've allowed me so far. And I don't want to make you uncomfortable or ask you for too much."

I remembered that tone of voice, and with amused trepidation responded, "Uh oh. You have something to ask me, huh."

He nodded.

"Just spit it out."

"Alice found out she's an Aunt."

I raised my eyebrows….

He added, "And she wants to meet her nephew."

"Oh," I said, surprised. That wasn't at all what I was thinking. But of course Alice would want to meet Edward's son. "Oh."

"Would that be…ok?"

"Sure. I guess. Well, what did she have in mind?" I immediately felt the need to lay down some boundaries. It was better to do that at the beginning with Alice. She had the tendency to get carried away. Once I told her we could have a "Girls Weekend", and we ended up in Hawaii.

"She didn't specify anything, just that she wanted to see you."

"Oh…..Well…let her know our schedule. We're pretty much free Friday morning through Sunday afternoon… As long as we keep things mellow, that should be fine I guess. Toddler friendly, you know…"

"No trips to FAO Schwartz?"

"Please no. Just the park would be a good place to start."

"Thank you, Bella. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Edward, does Esme know?"

He dug his toe in the ground a bit. "Yes. She didn't know at first. She didn't realize what Carlisle had done. She just knew that you left and that then I just kind of checked out for a while. When she found out she was furious. More than furious. She and Carlisle have been having a rough time the past two weeks."

"Oh."

"Yes. I think Carlisle has been staying at a hotel."

"That's… REALLY?" I was shocked. Esme and Carlisle had always been the picture perfect couple. Back to the whole you-never-can-tell thing.

"Yeah. She, of course, is furious with Carlisle. As am I. I can't even talk to him right now. And apparently, either can she."

"Hmmm," was my noncommittal response. What was I supposed to say to this? Should I feel guilty if this secretly made me feel like karma did its job?

I stood and called Owen, "Come on, honey! Lets walk again!"

We made our way home, Edward carrying Owen for most of it. As we entered the lobby Edward's phone rang. He silenced it and put it back in his pocked. "Alice."

"You can talk to her if you want."

"No, I'll never get her off the phone."

I laughed. By the time we got to my apartment, his phone had buzzed three more times with text messages.

"I think she wants to talk to you."

"Hmmmm," he pulled the phone from his pocket again. As he scrolled through the texts, I saw him visibly pale. I pulled Owen from his arms, "What's wrong? You look like you need to sit down."

"No," he chocked out. "It's Carlisle. He's in the hospital. He's had a heart attack."

"Oh no," I said, I put Owen down and walked over Edward. "I'm so sorry. Edward."

Edward was breathing heavily, big gasping breaths.

"Edward, it's ok, just calm down. It's ok, we'll figure it out. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

He nodded.

"What hospital is he in?"

"Swedish."

"Is he conscious?"

"He was asking for me."

"Can you drive?"

"I don't think I can."

"Let me just grab Owen and I'll take you."

"But he needs a nap."

I ignored Edward and picked up my sleepy son, "He can sleep in the car. It's ok."

Edward turned stiffly and began to walk out the door. I ran to my fridge and threw a coke in the backpack. He looked like he was going into shock, and I hoped some sugar would help. I quickly locked the door and followed him out the door. When we got outside, I put my hand in the crook of his arm and guided him to my car. It was a little awkward holding Owen and Edward, but luckily I'd parked close. Once we were buckled I pulled out the coke and ordered him to drink. He took small sips and regained some of his color by the time we made our way to Pill Hill. I was about to pull into the patient drop-off when Edward said, "Bella, I don't think I can do this."

"You can, Edward. If you don't go see him, you will always regret it, no matter what happens. It doesn't matter what he did, he's still your father."

He looked at the hospital with dread.

I couldn't believe I was about to offer this, but I sighed and bit the bullet, "Edward, do you want me to go with you?"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, "I can't ask you to do that."

"Edward…"

He nodded. I pulled the car around and went to the parking structure. What had I gotten myself into?

_DUN DUN DUN! (That's dramatic music, just in case you can't tell...)_


	6. Chapter 6

_A quick note before we dive into the action. I'm going to unplug tomorrow, so no update. But I made this chapter extra long to tide you over til Monday! And, heads up, I've also almost caught up my posting to where I've finished writing. After this I have two more solid, finished chapters. Once those are posted, I'll slow my updates down to a real-time pace (hopefully once a week? That's my goal!) And I've been dedicating a ridiculous amount of mental energy plotting the resolution of this story. I'm guessing we're about half way there. How can I get these two crazy kids together? Hmmmmm. I think they need to go on vacation (not just so I can live vicariously through them...) Thank you SO MUCH for reading, I really appreciate it!  
_

* * *

Luckily Edward knew his way around the hospital. (I could never understand those maps, and Level 1 not being Level "G". Who designs these places!?) Within a few minutes of parking, we were approaching the nurses' station on the correct floor. One of the nurses recognized Edward immediacy.

"Dr. Cullen, your father is in surgery, but your family is all waiting in a private room. Can I show you back?"

"Please, thank you."

"I'm sorry, we're only allowing family," she said, addressing me.

I hesitated, about to use the easy out and escape before I could see any other Cullens, but Edward gripped my hand tightly and said, "She's family."

I saw the nurse do a double take, obviously questioning Edward's proclamation, but she recovered and led us down the hall to the Private Room. My feet became heavy the closer we got. Owen shifted uncomfortably in my arms. Sensing my discomfort, he buried his face in my hair. I tried to navigate the halls with his body balled up tightly around my waist, and with Edward's hand still gripping mine. It really didn't help my nerves. I tried desperately to think of a way to get out of this. I did NOT belong here. My presence could do no good, since I'm pretty sure my reemergence into the Cullen World had caused Carlisle's heart attack in the first place. Guilt over my previous feelings about karma filled my belly, a heavy weight slowing me down even further. Edward pulled me forward slightly.

"Here we are," the nurse said quietly as she opened the door. It was a corner room, slightly larger than the average hospital suite, with large windows. And there were the Cullens, sitting in various poses of worry. Esme was crumpled in the corner, looking forlornly out the window while alternating between wiping her eyes and nose. She was a mess and her world was ending, but her beauty and grace were still omnipresent. Alice immediately looked up from her phone and jumped from her seat. I took a reflexive step back, lingering in the safety of the hall. Edward let go of my hand and pulled her into a hug.

"Oh Edward…," she cried. The rest of her sentiment was lost to her sobs.

"Alice," Edward spoke quietly. I could hear the strain in his voice. "Can you tell me what's going on? Or should I ask the nurse?"

She shook her head and held up her finger in a request for time to compose herself.

"Just give me a second," she whispered. She took a fortifying breath, lifted her head, and began, "Dad's in surgery. They took him right in. Luckily he was already in the hospital when he had the heart attack. It will probably be a few hours before they're done."

"Who's working on him?" Edward asked. Of course he'd know all the doctors.

"Dr. Franklin," Alice replied.

Edward nodded in approval and began to quiz her on the technical details. I tried to follow, but was so overwhelmed with the whole situation, and with Owen (who was trying to peek through the curtain of hair and becoming more wiggly by the second.) All of the sudden I heard Alice gasp.

"Bella!"

I could feel a change in the air as she said my name. Jasper and Esme immediately looked up.

"Bella?" Esme asked, confused. Jasper walked over to her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Alice seemed to wake from her grief and said, "Oh Bella!" She walked quickly over. I was still partially in the hall, so I took a hesitant step forward. I left the door open, just in case. She grabbed me in a tight hug and said, "Oh Bella, I've missed you so much."

Owen squirmed underneath her hug. "Oh my gosh, is this OWEN?" she asked. I could tell she was keeping it a few steps down from the expected bouncing fit of glee only because we were in a hospital and her father was experiencing a major health crisis.

"Yes," I said, trying to shift him onto my hip. Of course this just made him ball up even more. "I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse him. He's being shy, and he's missing his nap."

"Oh Bella, he's beautiful."

"Thank you," I said, even though all she'd seen was the back of his head. He did have a pretty good head of hair though. Edward stood next to us, but I nudged his arm and nodded to his mom. He took the hint and walked over there, putting his arms around her and causing Esme to break out into a fresh round of sobs. Her anguish was so palpable, I felt tears come to my eyes. I heard Edward whisper words of comfort as he held her. Alice teared up a little too, so I turned slightly to give her some privacy.

"Momma?" Owen's little voice broke the gloomy silence, "Can I hava dink?"

I heard Alice sigh and she smiled at her little nephew and wiped her eyes.

"Sure, baby. Let's go find a drinking fountain."

"Ew, no Bella. Here, he can have this," Alice said, showing me to the stocked fridge and opening a bottle of water. I swallowed my snarky comment and took the proffered drink.

"It's a grown-up drink, not a sippie, ok baby? So you need to be careful."

Owen nodded his head with understanding and untucked himself enough to assuage his thirst, pushed the bottle back into my hands and promptly buried himself back into my hair.

"Alice, I should probably go. Edward just needed a ride…" My explanation was cut short by the arrival of Tanya. She entered the room and immediately walked to Esme. I don't think she even saw me. My relief propelled me backwards, hoping to escape quickly. Too bad Tanya looked up before I made it out, her jaw dropping open in shock.

"What the hell is SHE doing here?"

Esme jerked her head up and frowned.

"I was just on my way out," I said, taking another step backwards. "Good luck. Best wishes. I'm so sorry…" I said, letting my awkward goodbye segue into a quick exit. I readjusted Owen and high-tailed it down the hallway. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough. Edward called down the hall to me before the elevator arrived. "Bella, wait!"

I had to wait. I really, really, really didn't want to. But I knew I did. He caught up to me slightly out of breath.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know Alice called Tanya."

"Edward, it's fine. But you don't want me to stay any longer, do you?"

"Would you? Please?"

"Edward, it's not my place. This is YOUR family. Owen doesn't understand what's going on. He's never even met any of these people. We don't belong here. I'm not family."

His eyes tightened. "Yes you are."

"No. I'm not. I know this is a horrible thing, especially with all the feelings you have towards Carlisle right now, but me being here is NOT a good idea. Trust me."

He glanced back down the hall towards the Cullen Suite.

"I'm just causing more problems by being here. And I don't want to feel guilty for causing all this stress and putting your Dad in the hospital. And I don't have the best feelings towards your Dad anyway. I really don't think he would want me here. Ugh," I groaned in frustration. How could I explain this? How could I admit that I hated his father, despite the fact that he was fighting for his life on the operating table? I couldn't. So I stopped talking.

Edward rubbed his hands roughly over his face. "Fine."

I knew this was not the time or place, that none of this was my tragedy, and that I shouldn't get upset, but REALLY? He's going to go all passive aggressive on me? I bit back my retort and re-called the elevator.

"Wait, Bella," he said, grabbing my arm again. I gave him a pointed look, and he dropped his hand. "Thank you for driving me. I really appreciate it. Can I…call you later?"

"Yes."

"Edward, where are you?" I heard Tanya call down the hall in a trying-to-be-quiet voice. Edward's shoulders slumped. I put my hand on his shoulder, "Edward, I really am sorry…."

He gave me a watery smile and patted Owen on the back. "Bye Owen." Owen popped his head up and gave his dad a winning smile, "Bye Ehward."

The elevator finally came, and with great relief I slipped in and escaped one of the most awkward, embarrassing and emotionally exhausting encounters of my life. Again. Ugh.

* * *

**EPOV FLASHBACK!**

How could Bella think she wasn't family? Didn't she realize she brought our family together in a way no one else could? Before she came into my life, I was the odd man out. Even in my own family I never felt like I belonged or fit in. But she completed me in a way that complimented every aspect of my life. She literally made me a better man. Her gentle guidance and patience helped me understand Alice and my parents in a whole new way. We got along better because of Bella. She changed everything.

_It seemed like that first date had never ended. We were together every free second. Sometimes even while Bella was at work. It was wonderfully distracting, so in order to keep the papers written, the assignments completed, the hours worked, we began coexisting. We still went home to our own beds each night, we had only been dating for two weeks after all, but every moment we were awake we knew what the other was doing. I worried that she would become bored with me, or feel smothered by my overwhelming need to know everything about her, or realize who I really was and run away screaming. But it never happened. She complimented me perfectly, she was my other half. When I became too engrossed in minutia, she'd pull me back and make me see the whole picture. _

_We were sitting on the couch in my condo a few weeks after our first date. We'd just cleaned up the kitchen after Bella made a delicious dinner (I felt bad that she was cooking for us so much and supplemented with as much take out as we could stand. I told her that the housekeeper my mom sent over twice a week could leave dinner for us, but she didn't feel right about that. So instead I convinced her to let me foot the grocery bill.) She was reading an assignment, and I was pretending to work on my laptop, my arm slung comfortably over the back of the couch behind her, playing with her silky hair. _

"_Bella, love?" I asked_

"_Hmmm?" she replied sleepily (I may have been playing with her hair because it made her tired. I may have wanted her to accidently fall asleep so that I could keep her with me.)_

"_Would you like to come have dinner with the family on Sunday afternoon? My mom is anxious to meet you."_

_She looked at me suddenly. I didn't want her to think about it too much. I didn't want her to think about anything too much at the moment. I just wanted her to relax against my side and stay that way for as long as possible._

"_Meet your parents?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Where? What kind of dinner is it? Will anyone else be there?"_

_I laughed at her barrage of questions. "At their house. It's just a simple family dinner. Nothing too fancy, though my mother has a 'No Jeans' policy. And Alice and Jasper will be there. We do this every Sunday. It's really no big deal."_

"_Oh."_

_She was silent for a minute, then replied, "Sure. If you want me there…"_

"_Bella, I want you always. Always and forever."_

_She sighed and I got my wish, she snuggled in closer. I was in heaven. This was all I needed. _

_Bella was so funny when we got to my parents house. Her eyes got wider and wider. I understand that from the outside, my parents place is a little… big. But it's what we're used to. I barely even notice it anymore. Of course it's gorgeous, but since my mother is an architect, it doubled as a showpiece for clients and our family home. I hoped Bella would soon find it as comfortable and fitting as I did. But I could tell she didn't feel that way yet._

"_Edward, I'm not dressed for this!" she whispered as we walked into the entry hall. She looked forlornly down at her skirt and sweater._

"_Bella, you look lovely. You always do. I told you, it's just dinner. No big deal." I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her gently on her temple, hoping to convey my love and support. _

"_You must be Bella," my father said, walking to meet us, "I'm Carlisle."_

"_Nice to meet you," she replied, holding her delicate hand out to shake. He smiled as he shook her hand, and it almost made it all the way to his eyes._

"_Bella!" Alice said, coming up behind Carlisle, dragging my mother. "Mom, this is Bella!"_

"_So pleased to FINALLY meet you!" Esme said, pulling a surprised Bella in to a hug. Bella caught my eye as Esme squeezed her and raised her eyebrows. I just nodded and shrugged my shoulders. Of course Esme would love her._

"_Thank you for inviting me to dinner," Bella said to my parents as she stepped back to my side from Esme's warm embrace. _

"_Of course, dear. We've been so anxious to meet you! You're the famous Bella that's made our Edward so happy!"_

"_At least I'm not the 'Infamous Bella'," Bella joked. My parents both laughed. This was going so well._

"_Come, come into the sitting room. Dinner's not quite ready. Can I get you a drink?" Esme asked as she shoo'ed us towards the lounge._

"_I'd love some water," Bella said._

"_Me too," I added._

"_Vodka on the rocks!" Alice chimed in._

"_Nice try, baby," Carlisle laughed, walking towards the bar to help Esme get the drinks. After a few more minutes of small talk, we made our way into the dining room. Bella's eyes widened with surprise when she saw Mrs. Smith brining in the food (Esme had ordered dinner in and asked the housekeeper to stay to help with serving and clean up.) "You guys have a cook?" she whispered as she pulled me aside._

"_No, that's just the maid. She's helping my mom with dinner. I think they got food from the Italian place down the street."_

"_You guys have a MAID?"_

_I smirked at her response, "Bella, you know I have a maid service too. It's not a big deal."_

_She blinked in response and I pulled out her seat for her. The food was served and everyone tucked in._

"_So Alice, where is Jasper tonight?" Esme asked._

"_He's working on a group project, it's the only night they could all get together," she said with a pouty frown. _

"_Awww, are you barely surviving?" teased Bella._

_Alice laughed, "Just barely. I think I'll make it. Maybe."_

_The dinner proceeded, and I felt Bella relax next to me, joining the conversation a bit and laughing along with us at Alice's antics. She definitely wasn't her usual effervescent self, but she seemed more comfortable. After dinner finished, Esme and Alice pulled Bella out to the deck, presumably so Esme could get at her without my interference. I wasn't worried for Bella, my mother is very sweet and gentle. In fact, the only time I'd ever seen her upset was when I used to get harassed by some older kids at school when I was in the accelerated learning program at the high school. She turned into a fierce mother bear, defending her overachieving little cub. But since Bella wasn't pushing me around or stealing my lunch money, I was sure Esme would show her nothing but love. _

"_Edward, come have a drink with me in the study," Carlisle said as the girls walked away. _

"_Sure," I replied, watching my love through the windows as I walked down to meet my father._

"_So, you seem pretty serious about Bella," he said, handing me a glass and motioning for me to fill it as I wished._

"_Yes."_

"_When was it you met her?"_

"_I know it's only been a few weeks, but she's just perfect."_

"_That's fine. I'm happy for you. But you've been spending an awful lot of time away from the lab lately."_

"_I have. I've been doing a lot of work at home."_

"_I just want to make sure you keep some balance. You've worked really hard to get where you are. You need to keep your focus. You have a lot on your plate right now."_

"_Dad, it's not like that. Bella helps me see things in a different way. Sure, we spend a lot of time together, but we're productive while we're together, not just sitting around."_

"'_Productive'? Is that what they call it these days?" he asked, raising his eyebrow._

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_I just want to make sure you keep your head."_

"_Dad, I appreciate your concern," I said, taking a deep calming breath before continuing, "And not that it's any of your business, but it's not like that with Bella. She isn't like that. And we won't BE like that until we're married."_

"_Until you're married? Until? So you've thought about this already?"_

"_Yes. She makes me feel happier than I've ever felt. I love her."_

"_And when was it you met her?" he asked, studying his drink as he swirled it around._

"_Dad, please," I said, pausing to take a drink, hoping for fortification and slightly stalling._

"_Yes, please," Carlisle replied with a huff. I actually caught my 60 year old father rolling his eyes. "I just want you to be careful, son. Please. Are you sure you really even know this girl? You JUST met her and you're already mentioning marriage. You're not ready for this. You've never even had a girlfriend before. I understand that you have strong feelings for this girl, but first love is always like that. Do you know how many people actually marry their first love? Do you know what the divorce rate is for kids your age who get married? Seventy five percent! Three out of four young marriages end in divorce! Do you know how much your divorce would cost you? She could walk away with millions!"_

_I sighed, but did not take the bait. It was ridiculous that he was planning my alimony payments when Bella and I had only been dating a few weeks. I remained silent._

"_Edward, I just want you to be careful. You're an amazing young man, but there are things in life that you just have no clue about. No clue. And 'Women' tops the list."_

"_Thanks for the drink, I'm going to go get Bella," I said, putting my glass down a little more forcefully than necessary and walking out._

"_Edward," he called after me._

"_I'll talk to you later, Dad," I said, knowing that if I stayed in that room with him any longer, I might say things that I could regret later. I just didn't want to get in to it with him. I strode forcefully down the hall, overwhelmed with anger. When I stopped in front of the door to the deck I realized I was shaking. I took a minute to calm myself. I watched Bella, Alice and my Mom laughing on the deck, the low autumn sun sparkling on the lake. Before I was completely composed, Bella turned around and saw me. Her face lit up, then stilled when she saw my expression. _

"_Edward?" she asked._

"_You ready to go Bella?"_

_She looked at me confused, then nodded and turned to Alice and Esme, "Thank you so much for dinner. It was wonderful to meet you, Esme."_

_Esme and Alice turned to see me, trying to see why the evening was being cut short, but once they saw me, no further explanation was needed. Esme rose from her chair with her wine glass in hand and began walking us to the door._

"_Bella, it was such a pleasure to meet you. You're just wonderful. Thank you for coming to dinner," she said, then called to my dad, "Carlisle…" _

_I cut her off, "No, it's ok mom. I'll talk to him later." _

_Alice walked over and gave me an understanding look. "It was great to see you Bella, as always," she said, smiling and showing off her dimples. _

"_You too, Alice. Thank you again Esme. And it was a wonderful dinner. And your home is beautiful," she said. _

_I was sick of the pleasantries. It was time to go. I gently pulled Bella closer to me and opened the front door._

"_Thank Mom. See you later," I said, not wanting to promise anything more. I just needed to get out of there._

"_Bye darlings," she said._

_I walked quickly to the car, opened the door for Bella, and tore down the driveway._

"_Edward?"_

"_Hmmm?"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing. Just some things my Dad said."_

_She put her hand on my knee and I automatically released some of my tension. Not all, but I didn't feel like I would explode anymore._

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

_I didn't answer, just clenched my jaw and concentrated on driving._

"_I'm sorry, Edward."_

_I drove her back to my place in silence. I didn't want to share her with her roommates, I wanted to be alone with her. I wanted to forget everything my Dad had said. I was so angry with him. How could he insult me so thoroughly, mock everything I held dear, and then claim it was for my own good? We sat on my couch and held hands. Before I could even think about it, the words starting pouring out. I told Bella everything he'd said, how angry I was with him, how much I resented the way he always tried to control my life, how I felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. _

"_He loves you, Edward," she said. "He's afraid for you, he wants you to be happy, and he loves you."_

"_He doesn't trust me! He thinks I'm a naive idiot!"_

"_He's worried you're going to get hurt. Edward, you are special and amazing. You're not like other guys."_

_I snorted in response. Was that supposed to make me feel better?_

"_Edward, you're different in a good way. Why do you think I'm falling in love with you?" and with that she climbed on my lap and kissed me so thoroughly, I forgot everything else. _

_I realize that most girls would not have been that understanding. That most would have taken offense to the horribly things my father had said. Clearly, Bella was not like most girls. I knew I was the lucky one._

* * *

**BPOV**

I drove away from the hospital feeling like I'd escaped. The last time I'd felt this way was after my Super Fun Conversation with Carlisle where we discussed the cancelled abortion of his grandchild. The relief I felt at leaving the hospital was only slightly clouded with guilt over said relief. I pushed it all aside.

"The past is the past. Let it go, let it go, let it go," I chanted to myself. I felt like I was being pulled back into the Cullen drama, and a life I didn't want where choices I didn't want were made for me. I didn't want to go back to that place and that Bella. Having Owen had changed me too much. I knew what I was capable of, and I knew what I wanted. And I did not want the Cullen's judgment. I felt like I was at an impasse. How can I allow Edward back into Owen's life when I don't want to be involved with his family? Can we keep Edward? Just Edward? And return the rest? Though having Alice would be nice, I knew it'd be too difficult. She was Daddy's Little Girl (I'm pretty sure she had that on her license plate holder. I know, gag.) I definitely couldn't have just Alice. It'd be Alice and then Esme and then Carlisle and then pretty soon we'd be picking out matching outfits for the annual Cullen Christmas Photo. I felt sick, realizing that there was a very good chance my little Owen would be the new star of their family tradition in a few months. The thought of his smiling innocent face next to the man who'd planned his termination made me want to vomit. The hypocrisy was making me ill.

"Calm down, you don't even know if they want to see Owen, let alone have him pose for the Christmas Card," I said to myself. Sleeping Owen shifted in his car seat and sighed. Talking to myself was obviously helping no one. I bit my lip and tried to stop my brain.

"One day at a time," I thought to myself. Great. It's like I'm a walking self-help book. Ugh.


	7. Chapter 7

Edward must have picked up his car without stopping in to say, "Hi," and I was equally relieved and concerned when I didn't heard from him for the rest of the week. Apparently I wasn't concerned enough to call him though. I enjoyed my Cullen Free time by stressing out about what his absence could possibly mean. What if Carlisle died? Would it be horrible for me to feel relieved? Would we have to go to the funeral? Would anyone _want_ us at the funeral? What if they all blamed me for his death. What if he lived and he hates me? No, he probably died. Is it horrible for me to be relieved (and repeat another 10,000 times). I even caught myself spacing off at work, which is not the best idea when you're cleaning people's teeth. Luckily no patients were harmed during my paranoid obsessing.

One night after work, I finally heard from Edward.

"What's going on Edward? Is your Dad ok?"

"He's stable. He's recovering. It's going to be about six months before he can go back to work. But he's out of the hospital."

I felt relieved. Mostly because I didn't have to feel guilty about killing the man. And I guess it's good that Edward's Dad hadn't kicked it.

"Well, that's pretty good news, right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Things were a little touch and go for a while. But he's doing much better. Esme has a nurse helping out at the house, and they seem to have it all under control."

"Did Esme have to take time off work?"

"Yeah. But it's ok. She's been grooming her assistant to take over. So that's handled."

"Well. That must be a relief."

(insert awkward phone silence here.)

"So…." I said.

"Bella, how would you feel about Owen meeting my parents?"

"Oh!" I said. That surprised me. Not that it should have, it'd been in the swirl of questions and regrets swimming in my head over the past two weeks. "Um…."

"I just thought I'd ask. Esme saw Owen briefly when you were at the hospital. She was in shock at the time, with all that was going on, but she asked me a few days ago."

"What about your Dad? Does he want to see Owen? Would it be too much stress for him?"

"He…he wants Esme to be happy. And Esme wants to see him."

"Oh."

"You could be there if you want."

"I don't want to go to your parent's house, Edward."

"It doesn't have to be at their house. They could come to Seattle, or we could meet them at a restaurant."

"Owen at a restaurant is kind of like asking for trouble," I said, smirking as I imagined him tossing rice gleefully onto the floor of whatever glamorous overpriced place Esme picked to dine.

"What about a park?"

"Edward, I really don't want to see your family."

"Oh. Ok."

"But I do want him to spend time with you."

"Oh. Ok." Edward replied, sounding more hopeful.

"I've actually been totally obsessing about this. I don't know what to do. Maybe you can help me come up with a solution?" I asked.

"What's bothering you, Bella?"

"I don't want to be with your family. I'm sorry, but I really don't like your Dad. At all. And I don't know if I want Owen spending a lot of time with him. I know your Dad loves you, and that he is mostly a good man, but I also know he doesn't like me."

"He likes…," Edward got in before I cut him off.

"It's ok, Edward, I know he doesn't. It's cool. I understand where he's coming from."

"Bella….."

"Anyway, I don't know if I want someone who I'm so at odds with spending lots of time with my son. Owen isn't old enough to understand this situation. _I_ don't even understand our situation. I don't want him getting any ideas that he's not good enough or that he was a mistake."

Edward was silent.

"I just think it'd be best if he didn't spend a lot of time with your parents."

"Ok," was his quiet reply.

"But if you want to take him to see just his Grandma Esme, I understand."

"You mean by myself?"

"He's obviously pretty comfortable around you. Maybe you should take him on an Edward/Owen/Solo test run first. Like on a walk to the park or something. And then if that goes well, you can take him to meet your Mom. As long as it's a short, close trip. You know, just in case things don't go well."

"Oh Bella," Edward replied. I could hear the emotion in his voice.

"Oh Edward," I joked back. "Don't get too excited. He might throw a huge fit in the park and you'll decide you're not ready to handle the joys of a toddler on your own yet."

Edward laughed, "I don't think he could do anything to make me feel like that."

"Sure, we'll see," I joked back. "But you have to promise to return him in perfect condition at the end of the day," I added, only slightly kidding.

"Of course, Bella. I'll take perfect care of him. I won't let anything happen to him. You can trust me."

"I know."

"So when is Owen free for a park date?" Edward asked.

"You know us, Friday through Sunday. Pick a time."

"Friday at ten. I'll pick him up."

"Don't you have work?

"I'm the boss. I can take a morning to take my son to the park!"

"You're the boss?!" I asked. "When did this happen?"

"It's not a big deal. I used some of my trust fund to buy a lab. It sounds more impressive than it is."

"Sure, whatever, Edward. No big deal. I should ask Alice about it, she'll give me the low down."

"You should. Speak to Alice, I mean. Not ask her about my career."

"Yeah. So Friday then?" I asked, abruptly changing the conversation. "Ten is actually perfect. That'll give you plenty of time to play before he needs lunch and his nap."

"And if it goes well, what would you think about me taking him to meet Esme on Sunday?"

"I guess….I think that'd be fine," I said, shutting my eyes and willing for it to be true. It would be fine. It would be fine. It would be fine.

"Thank you Bella. You're wonderful."

"Don't forget 'Amazing' and 'Fantastic' too."

"…and beautiful, and kind, and funny, and smart, and perfect."

"Whoa! Slow down! You need to save some of that sugar for the big favor's Edward!"

He laughed, "No really, Bella. You're wonderful. You're the best. Really."

"Well, thanks," I said, blushing. Good thing this conversation was over the phone. And good thing my ancient cell wasn't capable of face-time. Sometimes you just don't want to be seen.

"Bella, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Um, sure, I guess…"

"Are you dating anyone?"

"No. No. And No."

"Oh, so you're _not_ dating anyone?"

"Glad to see you've finally mastered sarcasm. Why do you want to know Edward."

"I was just curious. I mean…not that you'd…I didn't want to…I just…"

As much fun as it was to listen to Edward's awkward blundering, I did feel a little pity for him, "No, I'm not dating anyone. I don't plan on dating any time soon. I have other things going on in my life right now. I don't think it's fair to Owen to split our precious free time together with anyone else. I only get to see him a few waking hours during the work week. And our weekends are so short. I don't want to give any of that up."

"Well, thank you for giving up some of your weekend to let me see him."

"It's important for him to spend time with you too."

"Thank you."

"There is something I was going to discuss with you, though," I said.

"What is it?"

"What are we going to tell Owen? I mean, you can't be just 'Edward' forever. What do you think we should do about that? And are you going to introduce Esme as 'Grandma'? I mean, I know I just said it, but it's kind of weird…."

"Uh, I don't know. We did talk about taking things slow. But I think it may be confusing if we wait too long. What do you think?"

"I guess," I said.

Edward sighed and asked, "What does Owen call Renee?"

"Nono. That's her nickname."

I could hear the smirk in Edward's voice, "Nono? How appropriate."  
"Don't tell Renee that," I said. "She might take it personally."

"Ha. What about if I introduce Esme as 'Nana Esme'?"

"That sounds fine."

"Ok."

"Well, I guess I'll see you on Friday then," I said, trying to cover up a yawn.

"Yes, Friday. And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. So much. You're always been more than I deserved."

"Sure, sure," I said.

That smooth talking Edward. He and his hotness could get me to agree to almost anything. Again. I seriously hoped I wasn't making a huge mistake.

The huge mistake turned out to be not telling Charlie that Edward and I had reconnected. Or whatever it was that we'd done.

"Bella, what the hell are you thinking?"

Charlie didn't like Edward very much. He didn't have all the details, and the ones he had were true, but sometimes the facts don't tell the whole story. This phone conversation was _not_ going to be fun.

"Hi Dad."

"What's going on?"

"What did you hear and who did you hear it from?" I asked. I had a pretty good idea. Lately Renee and I had had a few long phone calls where she talked me down from my total freakouts. I figured she would be a good person to confide in because:

She was my mom

She knew Owen better than anyone but me.

She knew what it was like to raise a child on her own. At least mostly alone. She'd left Charlie when I was about Owen's age. She knew basically what I was going through.

"I had a long conversation with your mother this evening."

"Oh," I braced myself for the barrage of Charlie's wrath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you Dad. I wasn't sure what it meant, what was going to happen with Edward. And I didn't want you to worry."

"How could I not worry? This is my daughter and my grandson we're talking about. And now those people show up again and just think they can take what they want!"

"What do you mean, take what they want?"

"Renee told me that Edward is taking Owen to meet his Mom on Sunday."

Gulp.

"Yeah, she's been having a really hard time with Carlisle's heart attack. I think Edward was hoping meeting Owen would help cheer her up."

"So it's true? You're actually letting Edward take Owen alone?"

"I thought it'd be better than me tagging along," I said. "I don't want to get involved with his family again, and Owen is their grandson."  
"So you're letting Edward take Owen alone." I hated when Charlie did this, became Chief Swan and made me regret every decision I'd ever made.

"I told him I didn't want Owen spending time with Carlisle. I made him promise to be careful with him. And he's just taking him to the park to meet Esme. It's just for a few hours."

"Sure, that's what it starts out with." It's like my dad was feeding on every insecurity I had. That the Cullens were just biding their time till they could throw me under a bus and take Owen. I know, so melodramatic. Which was why I was trying to tamp those feelings down.

"Dad, it's ok. I've already talked to Edward about what he wants. He just wants to be in Owen's life. He said he only wants what I'm comfortable with."

Charlie gave a harrumph.

"It's important for Owen to know his Dad."

Charlie muttered something, and before he could start with his 'Edward Is Evil' diatribe, I cut him off, "Dad, it's important for kids to have relationships with both their parents. Even though you & Mom lived on opposite sides of the country, you still saw me. And it was important. I was only ten when I started flying to see you by myself. How different is this?"

Charlie was silent. I was a little afraid I'd taken it too far.

"Bella, I'm just worried about you. Last time you got involved with Edward… I'll never forget when you drove your truck home with all your stuff and told me you were quitting school. He's already ruined your life once."

"Dad…" I said, a warning tone in my voice.

"I just don't want you or Owen to get hurt!" he replied, defensive. "Babe, I don't want anything like that to happen again. I'll kill him."

"Ok, ok. No need for violence," I said, trying to joke a little bit. This conversation was getting far too serious. With a sigh I said, "Dad, what do you think I should do? I want Owen to know his Dad. We're taking things slow. This is just a small step. I know I'm terrified, but Esme deserves to meet her grandson. She was always kind to me."

"Of course she seemed nice. But you only saw her a couple of times."

"Dad, we went to dinner at their house almost every Sunday. And Alice took us all on that weekend trip to Hawaii, remember?"

"A few dinners and a two day vacation."

"Dad," I said, frustrated. He was like the little devil on my shoulder, voicing my every fear. "Seriously. What do you suggest? That I just tell Edward he can't see us or look at us or even know we exist?"  
"Yeah, that sounds about perfect."

"Oh Dad," I said, smiling to myself. If he could, he would have raised me in a padded room away from everything that could ever hurt me.

Charlie sighed, "Bells, I just want you to be safe. Have you really thought about this?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Well, if he tries anything funny, you call me right away. Set a limit on how long he'll be gone, and call me if they're even a second late."

"Ok, Dad."

"And call me when Owen is home again. I'm not going to sleep until I know he's safe."

"Ok, Dad."

"And make sure Edward knows I'm watching him."

"Ok, Dad."

We finished up the conversation by making plans to visit the following weekend. That seemed to comfort Charlie a bit. Then I realized Edward would probably want to make plans to see Owen. I'd need to let him know we'd be gone. All of the sudden, I had someone else to report to. It was odd. I decided to skip the long phone conversation and sent him a text:

_Charlie called. Taking Owen to see him on the 8th. We'll be gone Thurs evening – Sunday. FYI. See you in a few days for the park date._

Edward immediately texted back: _Why leave Thursday after work? Too late. That's not safe_.

I replied: _You sound like Charlie. I just want to get there. Friday morning = traffic. _

Edward: _I would feel better if you left Friday morning._

Me: _Seriously?_

Edward: _Please._

Me: _No, Edward, we're leaving Thursday. Sorry. Just wanted to let you know._

He didn't text back. I was feeling a little guilty. But really? Really? This wasn't his call. I mean, technically I guess he had a say in it, technically. But not really. I decided to let it go. Well, tried, anyway….

The weekend arrived, and with it Edward. It was chilly, and I bundled Owen up in a jacket for his playdate at the park. Autumn was beginning to set in. As he took Owen's little hand I tried to stifle the barrage of doubts and worries and advice. I wasn't doing a very good job. Edward stopped and grabbed my shoulder.

"Bella. Relax. We'll be back in two hours. I've had a car seat professionally installed in my car. I even got an epi pen in my first aid kit."

"But he's not allergic to anything," I said, confused.

"That we know of. What if he got stung by a bee and had a reaction."

Edward. How could I forget that he was the champion worrier. He took it to the next level. I took a big breath and relaxed. Owen would be fine. Probably. I gave them both a watery smile and waved as they drove off into the dangerous city traffic without me. (See, I was totally coping.)


	8. Chapter 8

_Ok friends, this is the last pre-written chapter! From here on out I'll be updating as I finish chapters (I've got the next one about ½ way written). But I can't WAIT to hear what you think of this…._

* * *

**BPOV**

When Edward arrived back, I wasn't a total mess. Just a little mess. But the view of Edward carrying our sleeping son into our apartment did me in. Edward could tell. He put Owen down gently on the couch, then came over and gave me a big hug. I immediately stiffened. You know how sometimes you're doing fine until someone asks how you're doing? Then, the fact that anyone else cares makes you a big ugly-cry mess? Yeah. That's what happened.

"Oh Bella," he said, one hand rubbing slow circles on my shaking back while I silently sobbed. I couldn't answer, I was trying too hard not to lean into him. I remembered how we fit together perfectly, despite the difference in height. I remembered how easy it was to fall into him. But he was not my boyfriend. I had a son. It wasn't easy anymore. And leaving him the first time almost broke me in half. I knew I couldn't survive loosing him again. So I stood stiffly, and tried to regain my composure. After a few minutes, the closeness became unbearable, so I shrugged away.

"Sorry, I need to grab a tissue," I said, avoiding his eyes.

"Of course," he said. Our words and the apartment were so quiet. The soft sleepy breath of Owen. The click of the refrigerator coming on. The swish of my slippered feet on the hardwood as I walked to the bathroom. I tried to blow my nose very quietly. In the mirror I could see my hair sticking up. My nose was almost as red as my eyes. I was pale (well, paler than usual). At least I wasn't trying to impress anyone, right? I met my reflection with a watery smile and took a big, deep breath.

"So it went ok?" I asked softly as I exited the bathroom.

"Yes," he said, trying to make eye contact. I sat down on the end of the sofa, carefully so as not to wake Owen, carefully so as not to let him see me.

"Esme was incredibly grateful. She's in love."

"And Owen was ok?"

"Of course. He seemed to have fun. We just sat at the park, fed the birds, did the swing."

"Yeah, he can never get enough of the swings," I smiled, gently stroking Owen's crazy curls back. "I actually have a rule at the park, no swings till the end. Otherwise I end up pushing him for hours and hours."

Edward laughed, "That's a good rule. I need to remember that."

"It only takes a few trips to the park and you won't have any trouble remembering."

Edward snorted. He tried to cover it with a cough. The sound made me smile. We sat in the quiet again for a minute, and I could feel his eyes on me. I ignored it, pretending to be completely engrossed in Owen. Pretending. Ever since I'd met Edward I'd been totally obsessed with him. He was everything I'd ever wanted. Everything I needed. Until I left. And for so long I knew I'd never have him again. And now for him to be here, HERE, right next to us, it was just too much. So I ignored it. Ignored him.

"Bella."

"Hmmm?"

"I…I'd better go."

I looked up then.

"Ok."

He looked at me again, a deep searching look. And this time I didn't look away in time. I was sucked in.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I whispered. He swallowed and looked out the window. I sighed, sadness and relief.

"You'll be gone next weekend."

"Yes."

"Thursday through Sunday?"

"We'll come back Sunday morning. That way Charlie can have at least one day for fishing."

Edward smiled, perhaps remembering the awkward afternoon we'd spent on Charlie's aluminum fishing boat three years ago. Edward is not really….outdoorsy. And I'm not either. Charlie had no idea what to do with us.

"Do you think I could come over this week, after work? Since you'll be gone all weekend?"

"Um, sure, I guess that'd be fine."

"Maybe we can go get some dinner?"

"It'd probably be easier for me to just cook," I said, "Owen isn't really…restaurant friendly yet."

"Oh," Edward said, looking fondly at Owen. "Maybe I can bring some takeout?"

I wasn't going to turn free dinner down, especially free dinner that could be eaten in my pajamas. "Sure, that sounds great."

"Wednesday? 6 pm?"

"Perfect."

He rose to leave then, and I carefully shifted myself up from the couch. I was so careful, in fact, that as I twisted away from the couch I lost my balance. Edward stepped quickly over and caught me just before I really embarrassed myself. Smirking, he pulled me up. The force of the movement pulled me in to him. We were squashed up together, his hands on my arms where'd he'd caught me, my arms grabbing him for support. He was so close. Again. And this time I couldn't hold myself away. Just for a second I relaxed into him. I felt resolve soften. And then we were kissing. He tasted like Edward and mint. He was warm, and his lips were full and soft and firm. His tongue was tasting and his chin was just the right amount of scruffy and I might have moaned a little. His arms slid down and pulled me closer to him, and mine came up and my fingers were in his hair, and I remembered that what I remembered was never as good as actually being with him, and that this was where I felt like home and love and forever. And we kissed and kissed and everything got blurry and there was nothing regular in my head, just Edward and love love love. And then, with a force almost palpable, I realized what I was doing. With a quick gasp I pulled back.

"Edward." I said, looking into his eyes, so embarrassed, "I'm sorry."

"Bella…"

I turned around, "I'm sorry," I whispered. I shifted and walked to the door. He looked shell shocked, his hair was sticking up a little crazy, his glasses were a little askew.

"Bella," he said, walking towards me, lifting his hand to my hair, tucking it gently back, "That was nothing to be sorry about."

He waited until I looked back at him. I bit my lip in an effort to hold myself back. He brought both his hands up to my face. "Why are you sorry?"

"We can't do this," I said, my hand making a vague circle between us.

"Why not?"

"Well, you have a girlfriend," I said.

"Um, no, not anymore."

I looked at him, "It's really over?"

"Since I told her about you and Owen. We haven't been together since then."

"Oh. I thought…since she was at the hospital…."

He smiled, "I'm not. There's never been anyone but you, Bella. No one will ever come close. You're the one."

I shifted uncomfortable, and he pulled his hands away.

"There's no one else for you, is there?"

I shrugged, "Yes."

He looked a little shocked.

"There's Owen."

He visibly relaxed.

"That's not what I meant," he said, smiling fondly.

"But really, Edward, this is a big deal. I'm a mom now. I can't get into any relationships. Everything I do affects my son."

"Our son," he said, looking at me warily.

I shrugged.

"He's my priority now," I said quietly. "I can't….I don't want any…distractions."

"I don't understand," he said. "I'm not some boyfriend, I'm his father."

I stepped back, hoping that a little distance would give me clarity.

"Edward, when I left you, that was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Harder than being a single mom putting herself through school. Harder than leaving Renee to move here. It almost broke me. I can't let myself break. It's not just me anymore. It's fine for other people to mope around for months after a bad breakup, but that's just not an option for me."

"Why are you assuming it won't work out?" he asked, moving his hands forward to clasp mine.

"Why are you assuming it will?" I asked, pulling my hands away. My face felt hot and I could feel the burn of tears in my eyes. Like this day hadn't seen enough already. "I'm sorry, Edward. I want you in Owen's life, but that's all I have to offer. I don't want to risk ruining your relationship with him." I turned and looked out the window at the setting sun. The days were so short now. Just like my life, there was so little light. I needed to protect what I had, what I had fought so hard for. "Thank you for bringing Owen back safe," I whispered. "I think it's time for you to go."

Even with my back to Edward I could hear his hesitation.

"Bella…" he said quietly, pleading.

"Goodnight Edward," I replied.

I listened to his steps as he made the short walk to the door, the creak as it opened, and the silent click as it shut behind him. I watched a bird circle in the sky, slow lazy arcs. I heard the plop of a tear as it splashed onto the floor. I didn't even know I was crying.

* * *

**EPOV**

_We were at my apartment. Her apartment was always so busy, so full of roommates and chores and lists. But my apartment was quiet. It was early, the grey light of dawn just beginning to seep through the skylight over our bed. Bella lay snuggled up next to me, her hand on my chest. I was so proud to be her boyfriend. And this was the moment I realized I was in love. Truly in love. This was no crush, this was forever. She was my other half. Life had never been more beautiful, more full of hope. She made everything better. She was wise and beautiful and funny and perfect. With her around I never felt awkward or shy. With her everything made sense. We made so much sense. I couldn't wait for her to wake so that I could tell her, but I never wanted this moment to end. The moment when I knew._

I remembered how perfect we were together. I remembered what it was like to feel whole. I needed to help her remember too.


	9. Chapter 9

**BPOV**

Days passed, and with it, my bright-hot mortification over our shared kiss became slightly dimmer. The memory still jumped out and bit me at importune times though. I'd be in the middle of cooking dinner or sweeping the floor and all of the sudden growl in frustration. It was making Owen crazy. "What wrong, mommy? What wrong!?"

"Mommy's just an idiot," I'd think. But what I'd say is, "Mommy's just being silly."

"Oh. Ok," pause, "Mommy, don't be silly anymo'. I don't yike it."

Believe me, love, Mommy didn't "yike" it either. But I knew it was for the best. I wasn't kidding when I told Edward that I couldn't put my sanity at risk like that again. There was too much at stake. I couldn't start over again, I just couldn't. And though I loved my life so very much, and I loved the center of my life, my sweet, darling boy, I was also tired. So very tired. All the time. I felt like I was at the limit. I had fought so long and so hard for the precious peace and stability in mine and Owen's lives. I couldn't risk it. I just couldn't.

Luckily, Edward didn't seem to be reading too much into my slip-up. He called to make arrangements for a playdate on Friday, and had a brilliant idea.

"Hey Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah?" I asked, shoving down the bevy of feelings that rushed into my heart when I heard his voice. Even over the phone it did things to me. Down down dow, stupid hormones!

"I feel badly taking up too much of your weekend time with Owen. I'd like to take him to the aquarium with Esme, but I don't want you to loose half a day with him."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "That's very thoughtful of you. So what do you suggest?"

"How about if I take him out of school on Thursday afternoon? That way it's at the end of the week and won't interrupt his routine."

I laughed, "Have you been reading up on raising kids?" I asked, "How did you think of this? How have you even _heard_ of 'toddler routine'?!"

"Um, yes, actually I have. I've read a number of books suggesting that routine is extremely beneficial when working with young children."

I laughed again. "You are very correct. That's actually incredibly thoughtful, thank you Edward."

I could almost hear the beaming smile in his voice. "Thank you Bella. I want to make this as easy as possible for everyone."

"I've already added you as an emergency contact for his school. I'll call ahead to let them know you'll be picking him up on Thursday. Just make sure you bring your driver's license or they won't let you take him."

"Understood."

There was a silence, and I sensed there was more.

"Bella?"

(There it was…)

"Yes Edward?"

"What did you list me as on the emergency contact."

"I don't understand what you mean, I put your name and phone number down…"

"Yes, but did you say that I'm his father?"

"Oh. Um, no. I didn't…."

"That's ok," he said quickly. "Don't worry about that. But I think it's time for me to tell him."

I sighed. It was true. It was definitely time. Waiting too much longer would just make things more complicated. This was just another line in the sand. Another benchmark showing me that things would never be the same.

"I understand, Edward. I think it's a good idea. But I just want to be clear. You can't go back on this. If you're going to introduce yourself as his Dad, you are making a lifetime commitment."

"I know," he replied quietly.

"Forever. You'll be his Dad forever. No matter what."

"That's what I want."

And, though it was scary and terrifying and made me feel a little panicky, it was right.

Edward picked Owen up from school on Thursday. I had the quietest, easiest, emptiest, saddest bus commute of my life. They met me at my apartment door. Owen was all smiles, pumped up from his excursion.

"Momma! I saw the fishes!"

"I know sweetie! That's awesome!"

"Momma, Dahwerd showed me the otters!"

I tried to keep my lips from quirking up into a smile, but it was too hard. Dadward? Edward raised his shoulders in a what-can-you-do shrug. "Oh really? Otters?" I said in a choked voice.

"Yeah, they my favowite. I yike da otters"

I unlocked the door and let them in while Owen filled me in on all the excitement I'd missed. He ended up with, "Next time, you come too, ok mommy?"

I smiled noncommittally in response and sent him to his room to put his daycare backpack away.

"So, it went ok?" I asked, once we had a second of peace.  
"Yes. Though I don't think he really understands."

I laughed. "It's ok, I don't think any of us really understand. We'll just refer to you as 'Daddy', and eventually he'll catch on."

"That's a good solution," Edward replied, looking visibly relieved. "I was worried that'd be my new nickname. I want to be his Dad. Not his Dadward."

I laughed again. "Yeah, that's pretty awful."

Owen burst back into the room, effectively ending Edward's and my conversation. He filled every corner of the room with his observations and questions and bright, beaming self. Edward excused himself, dinner was made, and life went on. And, surprisingly, amazingly, I felt happy.


	10. Chapter 10

**BPOV**

My temporary feelings of peace and well-being were officially over. In the top drawer of my dresser was an unread, hand written letter on beautiful, thick creamy stationary. My grandma would have been so impressed, it was classy. Hand written letters were so thoughtful. The script was written in a bold, slanted hand. And I wanted to fling the beautiful, thick creamy letter with the attractive slanted handwriting into the Puget Sound, run away, and never look back.

I pulled it out with a growl to glare at it again. It was from Carlisle.

Staring at this stupid letter was getting me nowhere. Edward had handed it to me a few days ago at the end of a playdate with Owen. Since then it had worn at me like a stubborn splinter. Every time I'd sit down to relax, I'd remember it sitting there. Waiting. But I needed time to prepare myself for what it said. I needed to center myself and remember:

1. I am Owen's mom, and I have his best interest at heart

2. Carlisle is Owen's grandpa. I'm not sure how he feels.

3. I need to stop being such a wimp and open this freakin letter

4. So that I can decide if I hate him even more, or if, even worse,

5. I don't.

I didn't want to have anything to do with Carlisle. How was I supposed to get over the fact that he'd blatantly lied to his son for the past three years? And about something so fundamentally important as his son's own child!

I didn't want Carlisle to have any power over me. And that meant I had to read this letter, for better or worse, just so it wouldn't take up any more of my mental energy. So with a deep breath, I opened it.

"_Isabella, _(of course he wouldn't just say "Bella"…)

_Since first meeting we have been at odds, and this is because of what Esme affectionately calls my "Pig Headed Stubbornness". I prefer to call it "Character". My character has served me well in the past. It has brought me my beloved family, success, education and means. But, as I come more and more to accept my mortality, I'm also realizing that these pillars of accomplishment can also be my stumbling block. I stumbled when I first met you, assuming we were at odds. I saw you as a distraction for Edward, a pretty face that could turn into a lot of heartache. I have always been so protective of my son. He has had so much to overcome. Even his blessings, his intelligence, his drive, his talents, even these have needed to be "dealt with". The excess of these blessings can sometimes be overwhelming. It's like the old adage, "too much of a good thing." He is a very special person, and he needs very special care. I didn't believe you were capable of that care. I stumbled when I found out that you both had been (to my older, more experienced eyes) irresponsible enough to get pregnant. I thought you would pull my son down after all he'd accomplished. I thought he would give up everything he'd worked for to take care of your needs. I stumbled on my pride when I imagined telling my colleagues that the brilliant, groundbreaking discoveries my son was making were on hold so that he could nurse his pregnant girlfriend. I stumbled when I let you drive away, even after you revealed your strength of character against colossal discrimination. _

_I am in awe of your strength. And, though it's too late for so many things, I want to offer my apologies. I made horrible choices out of fear. I'm so sorry that my cowardice hurt you and your son. You both deserve much better._

_Edward has explained to us that you don't wish to have any contact with our family. I respect your feelings and I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter. Please know that I am truly sorry for the way I treated you. _

_A heart attack is a horrible thing, and I wouldn't wish the pain of it on anyone. But with it has come some blessings. I now know that I don't want to waste my life being "right". I don't want to come in between you and Edward. I never should have involved myself in the first place, I know that. I should have stopped myself before I only assumed the worst. Decisions made out of fear are rarely the right ones. In fear I decided that I couldn't trust you. In fear I decided that you were going to ruin Edward's life. In fact, now I fear that I'm the one who has._

_I thank you for the choices you've made. Thank you for the strength you've shown. _

_I hope, for both our sakes, for Edward's sake, and most importantly for Owen's sake, we can move beyond our broken beginning and find a better end._

_With Regards,_

_Carlisle Cullen"_

What would I have done to read these words three years ago? Anything. What did they mean to me now? Honestly? I wasn't sure.

Did reading it even get rid of that sick, anxiety worry that'd been hanging over my head? Slightly. But I knew I'd be spending some fine, fine time obsessing about every phrase of the letter in the next few weeks. Heaven help my dental patients.


	11. Chapter 11

**BPOV**

So, apparently my ex-boyfriend/baby daddy and I were now friends. At least that's the official label according to Facebook. I usually stay far, far away from social networking sites, but I'd promised my roommates from UW that I'd keep in touch with them since I was abandoning them to go have Owen. And since they were all super crazy facebook updaters, I signed up for an account. I guess you can only hold out so long anyway. It's not like I checked it that often, heaven knows I didn't have much extra time! But once a week I'd try to slog through my updates so that I could at least attempt to be social. Attempt being the key word, I only had about 30 facebook friends. My Great Aunt Irene literally had three times as many as me. And she's 85. It's probably because I'm so picky with my "Accept" button. I already felt pretty vulnerable most the time, and it was hard to open my world, even my fake facebook world, up to many more people. My privacy settings (both literal and figurative) were at the highest level possible. I didn't even have a profile picture. So imagine my surprise when I got a friend request from Edward.

I may have let it hang unanswered for a few days. Just to make him sweat.

Sure, we were obviously going to be tied together in some way for the rest of our lives. But this was a line, a silly, stupid social networking line, but still. A line in the sand. I knew what Charlie would say (HELL. NO.) And I knew what Renee would say (the opposite). So where did that leave me? The same place I've been my whole life. In the middle. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Being in the middle forces you to really understand both sides. And it when you finally make your decision, chances are you'll have to defend it. So you really REALLY need to make sure it's the right one. Being in the middle has served me well.

And so, finally, I accepted.

And then I cyber-stalked him. Oh my gosh, I cyber-stalked him so hard. It was embarrassing the amount of time I spent clicking through his timeline. Well, his timeline was pretty short, he's such a private person. It was more the tags and friends and family albums that had his story. And then the thought entered my mind, "Edward is crazy good with computers. DOES HE KNOW I'M LOOKING AT TANYA'S VACATION PHOTOS?" And then I freaked out and almost deleted my facebook account.

Almost.

I didn't.

I calmed down and took a breath. And then I remembered my motto for when I start to obsess. "You can't change the past. Onward and upward."

I didn't delete my facebook account, but I did delete the app on my tablet. I watched "Walking Dead" instead. And suddenly all my problems seemed so much more manageable. Edward and I were facebook friends. Edward was a part of our lives now. The world was not ending.

Zombies are good for something.


	12. Chapter 12

**BPOV**

"Sorry hon, I guess it was just a miscommunication…." I cut off the end of my dad's message with a sad push of a button. We now officially had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving. I suppose I could look into tickets to fly to Miami, but the thought of a six hour flight with my sweet baby boy, assuming we actually scored a direct flight, only to turn around and repeat the trip two days later…. Nope and nope.

I sighed and felt slightly sorry for myself. Thanksgiving was in two weeks, and instead of cooking turkey and stuffing with us, my dad was headed down to Long Beach for some sun and some deep sea fishing. His buddies had mistakenly booked the non-refundable trip over the holiday weekend. Seriously!? Men!

I supposed I could contact my old roommates from UW, but I was pretty sure most of them would be going to their parent's houses for the Holiday and I didn't want to be an awkward third-and-a-half wheel. I didn't know any of my neighbors besides polite "hi" and "see you later"s in the hallways. I was pretty sure my co-workers all had plans for the holiday, and I liked keeping work and home a little separate anyway. So what did that leave? Me and Owen. Which, really, was ok I guess.

But it sure would have helped to have plans when Edward bombarded me with a surprise invitation to Thanksgiving Dinner. Ok, I guess bombarding was a little dramatic. He'd called and asked if there was any way we'd be willing to stop by to see Esme. And not for the whole dinner, just for pie. I wasn't ready for a slippery slope of familial commitments. I wasn't ready to be included in anything their family did. And not having a good excuse, I just had to tell the truth, in all its unfiltered glory.

"Sorry Edward. I was already feeling sorry for myself cause my Dad's going to be out of town for Thanksgiving instead of spending it with us. If I have to go to your parent's house for awkward pie, I might have a breakdown."

He laughed, which made me smile. See, honesty is its own reward.

"I'm sorry you're dad is gone. I'd assumed you'd be with him, and already told Esme that you wouldn't be interested, but Esme asked me to ask you anyway. She wants you to know that you're always welcome."

"I appreciate that," I said. "I appreciate how thoughtful she is. And the answer is still 'no'."

"I understand."

And I thought that was the end of it. But then, a few days later, I got a mysterious text from Edward.

"CALL ME ASAP RE: THANKSGIVING"

I called him during my lunch break.

"Edward, hasn't anyone told you that sending texts in all caps is the equivalent of yelling?"

He chuckled in response. "Maybe I was yelling. Maybe I had a really great idea that could only be conveyed through a high volume text message."

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "Let's hear it."

"So, did you realize that Canadian Thanksgiving is not actually the same dates as American Thanksgiving?"

"Actually," I replied, "I didn't know Canada even HAD a Thanksgiving."

"It's pretty interesting, it can be traced back to the 1578 voyage of Martin Frobisher's search for the Northwest Passage…." (this is where I cut him off)

"Edward, can I read the Wikipedia article later? I really want to hear what you had to yell at me in all caps about…"

He laughed again. At least someone was in a good mood. "Yes, well," he nervously cleared his throat. "I have a proposal for you. But I'd like to preempt it with some disclaimers."

"Go on," I encouraged.

"I understand how you feel about our, um, relationship," he fumbled. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. "Anyway. Um, so I don't want you to think that I'm trying to set up anything, or put you in an awkward position."

"Now you're making _me_ a little nervous," I said, trying to be lighthearted.

"Yes, well. Um, sorry. So, I don't want you to worry about any of that. But my idea is that how about, since you don't have to, I mean, since Charlie is going to be gone anyway, and you don't have any plans, how about if we both take Owen to Victoria for the holiday. I know it's off season, but it's still very scenic, and there are a lot of things we could do with him."

"Victoria, like in Canada?" I asked.

"Yes. We could take the Victoria Clipper, does Owen like boats? I think he'd like this one since it's large and so much faster than a ferry. And since it's not a holiday in Canada, it's really the perfect Fall weekend to spend there. It's not crowded at all. Though most the leaves have fallen, but there's still some. And there's a nice beach house we usually rent up there. Though it's probably not the best for young children, maybe we'd be better off in town. It'd probably be more fun to be in walking distance of the waterfront and downtown. Perhaps we could get a bed and breakfast. And we could get a suite with two separate bedrooms and a joined living room. Or, if that's too much, we could get two separate rooms. Or even stay at different hotels, that'd be fine too."

Though it was amusing to hear the brilliant, intelligent Edward Cullen rambling through the most disjointed paragraph I'd ever heard from him, I had to cut him off, "So we'd be taking him on vacation together? That's what you're suggesting?"

"Well, um, yes?" he answered, his voice trailing up with uncertainty.

"And how long would we be gone? Thursday through Sunday?"

"That's what I was going to propose, but we can make it any time."

"And you think we can find a hotel downtown that has rooms available this short of notice?"

"Yes, I believe so. It's the off-season. Though there will still be plenty of activities for us to enjoy."

"Well, traveling with a kid is kind of all about them. So really, we probably wouldn't be able to do all that much…"

"Of course," he said, backtracking a little, "Of course we wouldn't need to do that much…"

"You'd be willing to respect when I say 'no' to something and respecting his bedtime and keep him in his routine? And you'd let me pay for my half?"

"Bella…"

"Edward…."

He sighed and I could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose. "Of course. I'd be happy to split the cost with you," he said quietly. Wow. I was a little impressed he gave in so quickly.

"Well, this is an interesting proposal. Can you wait until tomorrow for an answer?"

I heard him catch his breath. "Of course," he said softly.

"Ok. But let me think about it. I don't know what…. I'm not sure I can…." Now it was my turn to fumble.

"I know, Bella. And that's not what this is."

I smiled in gratitude. Though he couldn't see it. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. My life was getting stranger and stranger.

* * *

**EPOV**

I had no right to want the things that I wanted. But wanting Bella and wanting Owen sometimes literally stole my breath. I knew I had to respect the boundaries she'd drawn. I knew it. But I also ached to show her what a life together would be. We could be whole. We could be complete. I didn't sleep much that night. I mentally prepared myself for a rejection. And that's ok, I could ask her again. I would ask her again. And again, and again, and again. I would never stop asking Bella. Because one day, if I were incredibly lucky, she would say yes.

The phone in my pocket vibrated.

One short sentence, and my heart leapt with joy. I knew it didn't mean what I desperately wanted it to mean, but it was still a "Yes".

"Let's look at hotels."


End file.
